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4 Ways to Stay Pure As a Single Person

Relax and dreaming. Outdoor portrait of thoughtful young african man sitting near the sea.

In this world, it’s hard to stay pure, especially as a single ! Read the tips below in order to thrive in your season of singleness !
1. Be In the Word
It’s important to mediate on the Word, day and night (Joshua 1:8).  Psalm 119:9 (MEV) states, “How shall a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word.” The Word tests our hearts, motives and desires (Hebrews 4:12). It renews our minds (Romans 12:2). Regularly reading the Word, strengthens our relationship with the Lord. The Word molds your desires into God’s (Ezekiel 36:26).
2. Keep an Active Prayer Life
Having an active prayer life will unleash God’s will for your life. God says you have not because you ask not (James 4:2) , but be careful not to ask from a selfish heart (James 4:3). If you are struggling in a certain area of purity, talking to God will give you the strength and guidance to move forward. Living a life of regular repentance will help you hear God’s voice. Also, take the time to listen to the Spirit and see where the Spirit is guiding you (Psalm 27:14).
3. Have an Accountability Partner/Group
Get involved with a men or women’s fellowship group. Surround yourself with people who will sharpen you (Proverbs 27:17) . You can create a WhatsApp group with like – minded individuals that you can talk to throughout the day. Find a mentor who will regularly check in on your spiritual status as well as one that you can trust with your struggles (Proverbs 15:22).
4. Flee From Youthful Lusts
Don’t indulge in shows, movies, books or music that will trigger feelings of lust or loneliness. Avoid shows that depict adulterous relationships or premarital sex. For example, if pornographic images appear on my webpage, I quickly exit the web page and immediately block any spam porn accounts. In high school, I used to watch teenage dramas, a lot of them were filled with scenes depicting premarital sex. Unsurprisingly, I started to experience lustful thoughts. R & B songs are nice, but if you notice that you start yearning and coveting for that “real love,” take a break. On the contrary, focus on media that edifies your spirit. Additionally, if you find yourself on social media envying others or feeling inadequate because you see that “everyone” is in relationships, with a house, baby and dream wedding photos  – take a break! Guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23).
Look at King David. Despite slaying giants and armies in his youth, King David fell because he stared at Bathsheba ( 2 Samuel 11). David should have looked away but he chose to watch Bathsheba bathe. It led to a downhill cycle of adultery, a child born out of wedlock and murder. Don’t think you are more righteous than David. Remember, that we have to pursue holiness (Hebrews 12:14).
Conclusion
All in all, these tips were created to avoid unnecessary strife in your singleness. This won’t guarantee a bliss free season of singleness. The devil will do everything he can  to make you feel sorry for yourself ! I  can testify to struggling with loneliness at times. I am not perfect, and often succumb to my own weaknesses. However, God rejoices in our weaknesses because when we are weak, He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:10). Your season of singleness is a special time. This is the time you can reach the lost like never before, strengthen your relationship with God, pursue your dreams and heal from past wounds. Be blessed and stay strong in the Lord !
Other Scripture References/Resources : John 10:10,  Psalm 37:4,  1 Corinthians 7:34 , Matthew 18:9
The Heather Lindsey Show discusses the effects of secular music/media on the mind

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Keeping Your Vow of Purity

Group of attractive young friends having fun in a cafe bar

I know it’s hard in today’s sex crazed world to maintain your vow of purity and celibacy, but I tell you, it can be done. I’m holding at 6 and half years strong and here’s how I’ve done it.
Know your triggers
If you know kissing causes you to get weak in the knees and you fall into that person’s bed, then you may want to steer away from that. Save kissing for the wedding. If you know that you can’t be alone in a room with a specific someone and control yourself, then you shouldn’t spend time by yourself with that person. Call over some friends and hang out as a group. Guard your eye gates. If you know you can’t watch certain movies with sexual scenes without starting to feel lustful or listen to certain songs, then turn off the movie and watch some comedy, turn the song to something without sexually explicit lyrics, do something that won’t have you feeling all “50 Shades of Grey”.
There’s no sense in tempting yourself.
Set up boundaries when you’re dating
Boundaries are another form of accountability. The word says “don’t give the enemy a foothold”, meaning don’t give the enemy any room to come in and tempt you. He will take full advantage of every opportunity. It’s good to have boundaries when you’re dating because it allows you  protect yourself. Boundaries help you to define where you and your partner should start and stop. To put it another way, boundaries are LIMITS. Boundaries also help eliminate the blame game. If you and your partner know the boundaries and respect the boundaries, then you won’t have to play the blame game when something goes wrong.
Some boundaries you can set up in your dating relationship are:
-Never spending time at each other houses
-No dates that aren’t in public places
-Setting up time limits on the phone (example: no talking after 9:30 pm),
-No casual conversation that can lead to talking about things you shouldn’t.
I encourage you to set up personal boundaries and boundaries for dating relationships.
Prayer
This is going to be the best way to fight against any temptation that may lead you down the road of bad choices. When you think you want to watch porn, pray and then pray some more. When you have impure thoughts, pray and then pray some more. If you find yourself in a compromising situation, don’t feel like you can’t stop. Don’t ignore the Holy Spirit. Get up, STOP! Then pray and pray some more, pray for forgiveness and then know that you are forgiven. Don’t allow the guilt of a decision weigh you down, that will only lead you to make more bad decisions. Pray and know that God will provide a way out of every temptation. He says so in His word.
If you really consider the first two ways I provided then you likely won’t find yourself in compromising situations, however we are human, just know you don’t have to keep going down the wrong path. You can turn back around.
 
Prayer:
Forgive me for the times I have not honored You with my body.Help me to flee from all forms of sexual immorality by fleeing to you. Help me to keep my outward actions and inner thoughts pure before Your eyes- whether I am in public view or in a secret place. Purify my heart and develop in me pure thoughts, words, actions and motives that honor your Holy name.I want to live for You even in a world that doesn’t. I pray that my resistance to temptation increases and my need to follow the patterns of this world decreases. Lord God, I commit myself to you and I take this commitment seriously.
Join The Unpopular Movement by choosing Purity over Popularity. You can get your Purity Card by emailing crownedyou@gmail.com.
 

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Dating/Courting Single

What If God Doesn't Send Your Boaz?

Beauty and skin care concept. Headshot of fashionable dark-skinned young woman with stylish haircut and clean healthy skin looking away with serious and pensive expression, resting against wooden wall

by Richelle Henry
So often, I hear within the single Christian women community to just keep working in my field. I hear that Ruth was found working and busy doing her purpose when she positioned herself to be found by this man of perfection, Mr. Boaz. So many women post statuses about being found by this famous man and even caption photos that tell the story of her wait. We’ve been sold this lie that when it comes to singleness, Boaz in all of his manliness, will come and rescue us from our singleness.
But I must ask you, “What if God doesn’t send you Boaz?”
It’s clear that he’s a hot commodity and millions of Christian women are a part of the rhetoric that if we just position ourselves, flow in purpose, and know who we are, that our prize at the end of it all would be marriage with our Boaz.
But what if God sent me a Moses?
A man who is a leader, but sometimes emotionally driven and in need of my assurance to stand in the fullness of who He was called to be? Although Moses was called, He still felt extremely inadequate and battled insecurities that almost caused him to forfeit the leader that the Lord was trying to pull out of him. What if it were my responsibility to encourage him into his identity?
 
What if God sent me an Elijah?
A man who has had his share of great victories but still wrestles with fear in such a way that he falls into bouts of lowness and crushing depression? Could I be the woman that God has sent to help draw him out of those cave moments and like the Angel did with Elijah, speak the words, “get up and eat?” Could I be a woman of patience, grace, and love to look beyond his bouts of discouragement and see the man he’s destined to be? (See 1 Kings 18 & 1 Kings 19)
 
What if God sent me a Jonah?
A man who has a sure call upon his life to deliver a difficult message, only to be so discouraged with the mantle of his calling that it sends him running? Could I be the woman who, like the whale, was sent to remind him of the importance of obeying the voice of the Lord the first time? Could I be the woman who is sent to help him instead put his fears to flight, instead of his purpose? (See Jonah, Chapter 1)
 
What if God sent me an Abraham?
A man who has received a word to leave everything behind and just follow the Lord to a land that He would soon show him? A man who received a promise and didn’t have the patience to wait for it? Could I be the woman to help him steward the word of the Lord properly and correctly? Could I be the woman who has a husband who receives direction to leave a place of familiarity and help my husband walk forward in absolute and unrelenting faith in obedience to the Father?  (See Genesis 12)
 
What if God sent me David?
A man after God’s own heart but had a past of infidelity, adultery, and murder? Clearly, this man was chosen by God but had a past filled with all sorts of things that would cause many to question his qualification to be used by God. Could I be the woman to help purge the record that holds his confidence hostage and loves him for who He was called to be, not who He used to be? (See 2 Samuel 11)
 
You see, if we continue to believe that we are only created to marry a Boaz, we will be conditioned to believe that he will come perfect and not flawed. We will be conditioned to believe that all of the responsibility will be on him to be perfect, all while forgetting the grace it takes for us to love the man we come into covenant with. What if you position yourself, glean in your field, wait on the threshing floor and the Lord sent you a man mentioned above?  Would you have been so occupied in being found by perfection that you forfeit the man that was created to help you do destiny and purpose with and you the same for him? So, go on, keep waiting for your Boaz. I can assure you, I won’t be doing the same. I’ll be too busy praying that my heart is prepared for the encouraging, pouring, sharpening, and purging that I may have to do with my David, Abraham, or Elijah.
 
Take Heed & Live Free,
Chelle
 
Richelle is Florida-native with a heart for all things Jesus and loving on people. Her passions include counseling, writing, hanging out with friends, family, and cooking! She hopes that in presenting her scars and giving others the courage to reveal their own that it would ultimately put the Father’s love on display to transform, heal, and completely restore! Find Richelle over at her blog www.showthosescars.com.

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4 Dangers of Waiting On a Man

I can remember at one point in my life where I was waiting on man. I was waiting on him to grow up, to choose me. I can even remember telling myself, once he gets it all out of his system then he’ll be ready to settle down. I even prayed to God about him.Why do we do that ladies? Why do we sit around and wait on a man? We wait on a man. Then we wait for him to propose. Then we wait for the wedding.
I engage with women quite often and it saddens me to hear that they are just waiting on a man to come or waiting on a man they’ve already committed themselves to. Well I’m here to tell you ladies, that your life is about more than waiting on a man.
Here are some dangers of waiting on a man:
1. Missing the Will of God. You know, purpose, destiny. You don’t want to miss that, not for a man especially. It’s important for you to have your own dreams and vision. Use all that energy you’re exerting waiting on a man, begging for a man and thinking all day about a man on something more productive like that dream you’re always dreaming.
Don’t let all your “waiting” have you miss out on what God has for you in this current season. Maybe He needs you single to build you up and draw you close to Him. He could also have a new job for you, or He could have a ministry He’s birthing on the inside of you. He could be providing funds to go on that once in a lifetime trip, but you’ll never know any of this if your focus is on being with a man.
2. Complete Waste of Time. If you know anything about time, you know you can’t get it back. So why waste it? Time is a precious commodity and you want to be sure to take advantage of the time you have. The bible says in James 4, “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”  We have women out here waiting 10 years for a man. Contrary to popular belief, men know exactly what they want and if by some slim chance they don’t, trust me when I say this, they know what they don’t want. Ladies stop allowing yourself to be bamboozled, tricked, and hoodwinked. While you’re waiting, they’re living.
3. Leads to Desperation. I remember the days I use to be so desperate for a man’s attention, it would drive me to do the most unladylike like things. I was discounting myself and lowering  my standards and that’s dangerous. Truth be told, no man wants a desperate woman. Understand this, your desperation actually pushes men away versus drawing them near.  Desperation will have you doing anything just to get a man.
Chasing a man is not winning. The only thing you win is the loss of your dignity. Confidence is knowing your value instead of expecting a man’s love to provide you with value. Sis be anxious for nothing, be desperate for only God. Allow Him to satisfy your desires. God actually desires for us to be utterly dependent upon Him.
4. Loss Of Identity. While finding your identity is an evolution, we shouldn’t push that aside for the sake of  a relationship. This is exactly how some of us end up as longtime girlfriends or live in lovers, because we were never rooted in who we were created to be to begin with so we just partnered ourselves with some random dude. A random dude is not the man God prepared for you. When you’re rooted in your identity, you wouldn’t dare wait on a man that can’t see you for who God created you to be. Knowing your identity helps you make better life choices.
Don’t get me wrong ladies, waiting is something we will have to do from time to time but, you should never wait on a man if it cost you yourself. That’s too high of a price to pay.
 
 

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Dating/Courting Single

Punk'd!

Dating couple tourists eating waffles on date enjoying food snack. Romantic man and woman laughing having fun outdoors. Multiracial couple, Young Caucasian man and Asian woman.

by Joy Oguntimein
How cool would it have been to be Ashton Kutcher walking into the tent shouting “You just got punkd!”  the morning Jacob woke up and realized he married Leah and not Rachel. That ‘lil love bird got played!!
 
Some of us are punking our future spouses. It’s been months since the first date, yet we’re still only allowing the other person to see a version of us that’s been cropped, edited, and filtered.  We hide any evidence of our imperfections so we can earn the “married” badge.
 
Honey, lean in for some truth. We can’t live life in bondage, afraid of people not liking the real us. If we are going to have any real happy, in our happily ever after stories, then we need to practice being real in our relationships now, with our family and friends. 
 
One of the most important things you can do in your marriage-Be Yourself!  Being yourself is a habit developed over time; not magically when you say I do. Here are a few tips for being your authentic self:
 
 1. Be Authentic.  DUH!  Yes, start here.  Start by being honest about what you like, what you don’t like, what you value, and how you’re feeling.
While we all have an innate desire to be accepted and loved by others, we need to belong in communities that value us and our unique contribution. If people only want to accept the person you pretend to be, then they are not accepting you. 
 2. Be grateful for the amazing and unique being you are.  Be open about your faults and weaknesses.
When we present a facade of who we are, we don’t give people the opportunity to love us completely. Your future partner can’t connect with you if they can’t see the real you. Don’t get caught up trying to be someone else that you forget how special you are, flaws and all.
 3. Be courageous enough to be vulnerable.  Whether a parent, sibling, prayer partner, etc.  you need at least one person (preferably 2) you can be vulnerable with.
We should invest in the relationships that allow us to share both our pleasure and pain.  Let’s invest in the people who are open to seeing the behind the scenes footage, not just the highlight reels posted on Instagram.  We need intentional, genuine, and consistent community that comes through being ourselves.
Want real love?  Then bring the real you to the relationship. To find, keep, and build a lasting love,  be you.  Free yourself and rest in the truth that you’re loved by Jesus, with all your brokenness, gifts, flaws, positive traits, and weirdness.
 
Unless you’re a professional actor/actress, you will not win an Academy or Emmy for impressing other people with your ability to be someone besides yourself.  This is real life, not a reality TV show.  So, let’s stop faking, and be the real, authentic people God has created us to be.  When you do, you’ll be building a foundation for a strong, healthy relationship.1

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Christian but Not a Virgin: Am I Damaged Goods?

Portrait of young african american looking through a window.

The Church taught me at an early age “SEX IS A SIN”!!!! Quite frankly I grew up thinking SEX was the “sinniest sin” of all sins! There was no turning back, purity was the only way! Once you lost it, you couldn’t get it back. Sure, you could claim to be a “born again virgin” but at the end of the day… you were no longer a “Virgin”. I can only speak for myself when I say I felt like “damaged goods” after giving myself to someone who CLEARLY wasn’t worthy.
Let’s fast forward to when I rededicated my life to Christ, finally waking up and smelling the roses. Kicking it with a group of friends, one who I looked up to said “Are there no Christian Girls in Chicago who are a Virgin, I don’t want a girlfriend someone else had”. Although that statement was not directed toward me, I was apart of the population of girls who fit into that “category”. I, for some reason, internalized his statement and thought, “no real Christian guy will ever want me”. While my friend meant no harm, his statement reinforced the idea that “non-virgins” were damaged goods. It played on my self esteem for quite sometime, until one day I was reminded of who I am in CHRIST.
With all of that being said I’m here to remind you…. YOU ARE NOT…DAMAGED GOODS! While sex is a sin that comes with many lurking consequences (like every other sin), it doesn’t define who you are, who you’ll be, nor where you’re headed in life! Many of us can quote 2 Corinthians 5:17 verbatim, [(NLT) this means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!]. But how many of us allow those words to penetrate our hearts? I know I didn’t.
Beyond the fact that we are NEW CREATURES, God has already forgiven you and forgotten about your imperfect past. Don’t believe me? Check this out “Isaiah 43:25 “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.”The bible lets us know we have not only been forgiven of our sins, but they have been forgotten and we are brand NEW! Typically, nothing new is considered damaged goods (just saying).
Here’s a word of encouragement, stop letting your thoughts (and others for that matter) rob you of your new identity in Christ! If God has forgotten about it, why in the world would you allow anyone else to hang it over your head! YOU ARE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! God has so much in store for you! You, my love, will reap the benefits of making a decision to live your life for Christ! Your past wont invade your future…wait…what past? God forgot all about that. I write these things to you because it’s what I wish someone would have shared with me in my season of feeling like “damaged goods”.
Here’s to an amazing future spent accomplishing all that God has for you, to acquiring the desires of your heart (including marriage and children), and taking nothing from the past but the lesson(s) that were gained. From one princess to another, you are ROYALTY, NOT DAMAGED GOODS (1 Peter 2:9)!
With Love,
Shannon Colar

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How Long Will I Be Single?

Black woman crying outdoors

Would you be surprised if I told you that every single person that desires a mate, ponders this question? I pondered this question often. I grew frustrated, anxious, and sometimes concerned. I just wondered if God had a mate in the plans for my life. Can I let I let you in on a secret? I have discovered that one of the greatest gifts that God develops within us while we are single is the gift of patience.
I was a very impatient person. I wanted everything right then. I hated waiting on things, people and even results. I needed everything quick, fast and in a hurry.
So when God requested that I stop dating my way and trust His way, I often grew impatient with the process. What I found so amazing about my single season is that God didn’t share with me how long I would be single.
But if God would have told me, there would be no reason for me to trust in His word. I had to trust in God and know that the plans that He had for me would not harm me but give me a hope and a future. I had to allow God to teach me and even lead me through my season of singleness.
I would often become anxious about being single because I would look at others around me who were getting engaged or married. There were times that I was envious of others relationships. I wanted to go ahead of God and make things happen on my own. But God would stop me in my tracks and remind to wait on Him because it would be so worth it.
I hear singles all time saying “How long will I be single?” Although it’s a valid question. It’s also is a question that reflects that we are growing impatient in the process of waiting on God. I think often we view our season of being single as an affliction, when in actuality it’s a blessing to be single. It’s a gift from God.
Now that I’m married, I realize that God was preparing me for what was to come. I had to learn how to be patient, so that I could be patient with my husband. Patience is not always developed for relationships but the many trials that may come our way in the future.
By embracing the gift of patience God blessed with an amazing husband. I’ve even learned how to be patient in those dry seasons of my life.
I encourage my single sisters and brothers to patiently wait on the Lord. Yes, I know it can be a tough season. But I want to let you know that it’s so worth it to patiently wait on God to bless you with your mate.

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Communication Home Single

5 Signs That He Is Into You

married couple talking while having a breakfast time outdoors

We all know the age old saying “Men Are From Mars and Women are From Venus” which basically symbolizes how different the sexes are, and it couldn’t be more true. It’s far easier for me to communicate and understand the emotional cues of my female friends than of my male friends. Which could be due to obvious reasons; given that I am a female myself, but these differences really attribute to why relationships take work. Men and women assess, communicate and deal with things differently. I can’t recall how often I’ve had conversations with my girlfriends about whether or not a guy is into them. And after having several of these “deep, philosophical, analytical talks,” and coming down to the root of the problem, along with personal experiences  of my own; I’ve come to realize, that men are not that complex, and that is no offense to men, but a relief for women. Here are some ways to tell if a guy is into you.
1.  He Initiates Conversation– We live in a day where communication is readily at our fingertips; literally. Regardless of how busy we are, we check our phones multiple times a day. If a guy is into you he won’t leave you hanging for hours after you’ve texted him, or go several days without texting/calling you. We are never too busy to make time for the things we care about.
 
2.  He Tells People About You- If a guy is into you he will mention you to his family and friends. We like to talk about the good things that are happening in our lives, and if you mean something to him, and he sees a potential future, he will let the people in his life know.
 
3.  He Treats You Like You Matter- If he makes you a priority by taking you out  or doing the thoughtful things that make you feel like you’re special to him, then he is into you.
 
 4. He Compliments You- I don’t mean just complimenting your physical traits, but complimenting your mind and other qualities you possess, and showing genuine interest in your passions, talents and hobbies.
 
 5. He Tells You He’s Into You- A mature man isn’t afraid to tell you how he feels about you. And even if he doesn’t, if it has been some time of getting to know each other then it should be pretty obvious, and you should feel confident about how he feels towards you. Basically put, if a man is into you… you will know.

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Single

The Real Reason You're Still Single

Pensive pretty young woman in blue shirt sitting and thinking in cafe

As millennials, it seems we are trying to find the “sweet spot” – the age where you’re not too young to get married and sucking the fun out of your twenties, claiming responsibility, and the age where you suddenly look around and now all your friends are married and starting to have babies. We are trying to navigate through a changing phase of life, and hoping we don’t get left behind in the process. Dating, but casually – not pursuing anything TOO serious, because marriage is a big commitment, but complaining when we don’t have anyone. Seems silly when you spell it out, right? Here are some reasons you are still finding yourself in the single state.
 
Too Prideful to Try Online Dating
When it comes to dating, you don’t mind dabbling in the free apps, but you refuse to sign up for a dating program that costs, as if it screams desperation or shows embarrassment. Stop caring about what other people think! If you are looking to find someone to seriously consider spending your life with, WHY NOT pay for an online dating service? To me, the fact that someone is willing to invest their time/money into the possibility of love shows a greater level of commitment and serious pursuit, and we aren’t even dating yet! Not to mention, there is a good chance you may find more quality individuals than others where creeps have such easy access. Yes, you may spot anomalies either way – a great guy on a free app, or a creep on a paid one, but with dating profiles that match you on sites like eHarmony, you may have a better turnout.
 
You Get Discouraged Too Easily
You finally talk yourself into going on a date with someone you have been talking to you, it seems to go well, and they ghost you. Wait – what? Did I miss something? I thought we had a great time. If you are on the receiving end of the “ghosting,” roll it off. If that is the kind of person they are, it’s probably best you aren’t wasting any more time! Don’t let someone’s personality faults affect your self-worth and self-confidence. A part of seeking out love is vulnerability and risk-taking; you have to take chances, for the possibility of a great reward in a fulfilling relationship. You may try and some relationships will probably fail, but when you find the one that works for both of you, your journey will be worth it.
 
You Give Up Too Quickly
For my friends that do go on dates whether a blind date, tinder dates, bumble dates, first dates, it seems they all give it one to two times in person and decide whether or not they are “feeling it.” Too often it seems millennials are expecting a magical feeling of connection that will let them know they could really fall for this one! Today, I want to challenge the way you view love. Love is a choice. Did you know the global divorce rate of arranged marriages is only 6%?! And often those individuals don’t have a choice. If we decided every day that we were going to CHOOSE to love this person, you could fall in love with anybody.
That being said, if you find someone that meets your non-negotiables from a standard perspective: loves God, wants kids, has a steady job, gets along with family, or whatever your criteria may be (not the tall, dark, handsome, physical qualities), give the guy a CHANCE! Too often I see women giving up over silly reasons and then complaining that there are no good guys out there!
Is it that there are no good guys, or the good guys aren’t meeting your unrealistic expectations?
 
You Don’t Want Anything Too Serious (at least not yet)
Why millennials choose to date, but don’t want to think about marriage is something I may never understand. The idea of emotionally connecting myself to an individual only to have them waste my time and walk away broken-hearted sounds absolutely PAINFUL. Choosing to be serious about a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be ready for marriage tomorrow OR get married next year, and that is completely okay! My challenge to you would be to relationship check at the door. If this person doesn’t have qualities of someone you would consider marrying, or you can’t see yourself with them long-term, don’t waste your time. It’s okay to date to find what you like, but be careful of how long you allow it to go on. Be intentional about finding a spouse, you never know how long (or short) it may take for you to really connect with someone you could see yourself with.

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Single

3 Traits of the Bitter, Single Friend

Portrait of angry woman standing with arms folded on gray background

by Joy Oguntimein
You’ve seen the post before.  You know the, “Why do people feel the need to plaster their love everywhere?”, “I give that relationship [X] months.” or “A lot of people in relationships are just afraid to be alone.””
 
Now if you’ve seen these because you’ve posted them, then there is a possibility that you’re becoming the bitter single friend. Don’t worry, you’re not alone.  I’ve been there.
 
We want to celebrate romance, but we’re baffled about how that one friend who everyone knows is selfish and arrogant is getting married next month?!?! We’ve followed all the “rules” of how to find your BoRu (Boaz +Ruth), yet here we are: single and on the verge of, or already entrapped in, bitterness. 
 
Here’s the thing, we’ve got to identify signs of bitterness and address them before we become Trump’s “US Secretary of Relationship Cynicism”. So what are the signs of a budding bitter, single friend?  
 

  1. One cannot be happy for anyone; not even Uncle Barack and Aunty Michelle.

 
An obvious sign of a bitter single friend: the person does not celebrate other’s happiness.  This person constantly criticizes and speaks doom. 
 
We don’t have to swoon over every happy couple that we see or lie about red flags in the relationship.  But we shouldn’t denounce a relationship out of secret envy. We can learn from other people’s relationship some practices that may help us have a healthy and happy relationship. 
 

  1. One draws attention to his/her relationship status.

 
A bitter single friend seizes every opportunity to broadcast he/she is single. The conversation is about the ark. The friend jumps in saying, “I would’ve drowned because I’m #foreversingle. I wouldn’t have found someone to go marching 2×2 with into the ark.”
 
We do not have to broadcast our singleness. We are not defined by our relationship status. Let’s bring more attention to our character, and God-given gifts. 
 

  1. One boycotts Valentine’s Day and all things romantic.

 
No one is interested in reading the thesis on how Valentine’s Day is a fictitious holiday created to benefit retail manufacturers.
 
On Valentine’s Day, instead of posting a 100 line rant on Facebook (that no one will read), we can love ourselves and someone else. Take a widow or a foster child to the movies.  Tell ourselves (and the homeless person we’ve ignored) that we’re loved, valuable, and treasured.
 
Before you can hope to have a successful relationship, you have to uproot that bitter root.  If you don’t, bitterness will keep growing, producing a harvest of pain for you and the people in your world.  Precious moments of joy will be stolen. Worst of all the bitterness will not magically disappear when you find someone and get married. Instead of single and bitter, you’ll be married, discontent, and bitter. 
 
Nip bitterness in the bud. And remember, “All things in their due season.” God’s got you boo.  Relax, trust Him, and  #beJOYful!

 
Joy Oguntimein is a speaker, writer, educator, and consultant,  She lives by the motto Jesus. Others. You.  She believes if you live life following Jesus, walking with others, and being authentically you, then you’ll thrive and #beJOYful through life’s expected and unexpected pivotal moments. Her desire is to cure basic-ness by stirring up the gifts and treasures within others. Joy is a Jesus loving, trouble making lady.