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5 Things You Should Pursue When Single

A couple weeks back I was driving in West Monroe with the rumblings of my stomach crying out for food so I pulled into the Chick-Fil-A drive thru. My friend Mackenzie was with me and we started discussing how another Valentine’s Day had passed without a significant other and without hesitation I blurted out, “ I’m single, twenty-five and having a quarter life crisis while eating WAFFLE FRIES!” We both busted into an uncontrollable laughter at the thought of how silly this notion was and moved on with our afternoon.
Later the next week though the quote just kept weighing on my heart. “ I’m single, twenty-five and having a quarter life crisis while eating WAFFLE FRIES!” All the thoughts of my life began to rush in like when you were a kid who was plastered with the kickball in the face. The Oh my gosh what have I done with my life, resonated loudly in my brain. I had just turned 25 at the beginning of February, but it was almost like my waffle fry epiphany had finally hit home. I had literally lived a quarter of my life already. But I really wondered was God delighted with my 25 years of life I had lived? Did I do all I could for him? Was it enough? What could I have changed? Did I do all I really wanted to do?
Then a verse from Ecclesiastes 3:11 came to mind “ Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in heart’s of man, but even so, people can’t see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”
God has placed an eternal scheme to pursue the dreams, calling and plans in your heart for the rest of your life. Many singles feel left out of what marriage or a family brings to your life. Yes, it is a wonderful adventure all in its own, but an adventure awaits us all in our time of singleness. Don’t think you have to wait to be married to have them all.
God has greater waiting. Greater is the life altering understanding God is ready to accomplish a kind of greatness in your life that is entirely out of human reach. Basically God wants to do GREATER through you, for you and with you! The impossible and unexpected journey ahead, He so desperately wants to engage in your heart the potential for dreaming big, living life to the fullest and loving people exponentially in this season.
In turning 25, I wrote down 25 goals to celebrate living out my twenty-fifth year of life with joy, expectancy and understanding of my moment of singleness is for a greater role than I understand, because God has the whole scope of the journey worked out, our only requirement is to listen to His beckoning, not shrivel in our past of what not’s and didn’t do’s. But especially when the thoughts of the enemy can pounce in as fast as a kickball, our time in singleness has to be focused on the words and declarations of the King, not man, not self-pity or social standards of what we should be doing with our free time.  I encourage you women and men in the singlehood to write out pursuits for being in this season.  You’ll discover life isn’t in the waiting on the spouse but it’s in the waiting on the next adventure God is ready to take with us!  Here are five areas to make pursuits in during your single time, your quarter life crisis of doubt and remind you God speaks in mysterious ways, even waffle fries.

  1. Personal Spiritual Pursuits– Determine where you want to be in your relationship with Jesus, whether learning to memorize more scripture, reading plans, or adding more time to your pray life and studying of His word. Dig deeper. Get out of the comfort zone.
  2. Career or Education Pursuits– I own my own photography company and every year I put a mark on how many weddings I want to shoot. I want to push my talent God’s given to me more than I think I’m capable of, so think BIG in getting a new job or making your career more excellent in little ways
  3. Travel Pursuits– Get out and go on an adventure. Go to a place on your bucket list don’t wait. Go to Europe or hike to Machu Pichu. Even small goals drive on a road trip down Route 66 experience all the things God has created in this world to enjoy!
  4. Ministry Pursuits- Find something to pour your heart into, rather it be serving as a Big Brother or Sister, volunteering as a tutor or going on a mission’s trip overseas. Find a place to be light and shine hope.
  5. Miscellaneous Pursuits– This is hands down free range. Try out the impossible dreams here. Make pursuits you never thought you could accomplish. Run a marathon, read two books a month, gets published, learn a new skill, pay for someone’s Starbucks once a week. Discover the child like faith for believing in accomplishing the extraordinary with God in your singleness. He can do it!

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5 Questions To Ask Yourself While Waiting For Your Spouse

Let’s define the word “wait”.
Merriam-Webster.com defines it as, “: to stay in a place until an expected event happens, until someone arrives, until it is your turn to do something, etc.: to not do something until something else happens: to remain in a state in which you expect or hope that something will happen soon”.
 
The first picture that comes to mind of someone waiting for marriage is a scene of an individual at a bus stop with bags filled with expectations, hopes and desires to be fulfilled by someone else. The perception of marriage can sometimes take the form in an individual’s mind that life starts when I say “I Do”.  I would like to suggest for you to get off the bus stop, unpack your bags and to get in a car to begin the journey on the road of life.
While waiting, there are some parameters that the Bible states that we should stay within. They are not rules to control you but to keep your heart safe from strife and confusion. 1 Corinthians 6: 18-20 talks about fleeing fornication and that our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit and that we are not our own. Our body is not to be given to someone or something that does not glorify God; it does not belong to us. Giving it to someone else outside the confines of marriage really defines us as thief and stealing something that does not belong to us in the first place.
 
If you are a virgin, remain until you are married. It is a gift that your future mate will honor and cherish. If you are having sex, there is no condemnation but stop. Find accountability partners that will encourage you to walk in holiness and provide strategies to help you to remain pure.
1 Thess 4:3-5; Rom 6:11-14; Eph 5:3
Marriage is a beautiful union between one man and one woman created by God for the purpose of serving each other. In order to do this well, a solidification of one’s identity in Christ prior to entering in to the life-long commitment is needed. The season of being unmarried is not at all a time to be stagnant and sitting at home watching love stories on Lifetime, but is a short window of opportunity for you to develop and prepare ourselves for our spouse.
Ask yourself these 5 questions:
1. Who am I? It would be a little awkward to sit in front of someone that you are potentially interested in and unable to answer this question. Pray and ask God for definition. Exploration of who you are is not an overnight process and evolves over time.
2. In what ways can I serve others? Working in your local church or volunteering your abilities to the service of others not only builds character but helps you understand how to connect with people.
3. What do my finances look like? How you spend money is a direct reflection of the ability to prepare. Take some finance seminars, learn about investments, have an emergency fund; some may even be able to buy a house and an investment property.
4. Who are my friends? True friendships among men and women during the unmarried season are there to make you stronger and encourage you in your walk with the Lord.
5. What activities do I like to do? What hobbies do I have? Where would I like to travel? Once defined, do them. There is a level of freedom that can be experienced during the unmarried season that you can not only dream about but can also achieve.
 
Being unmarried is a season of discovery and joy to establish friendships and trying new things. An opportunity to build your character and to allow the Holy Spirit to shape you in to a vessel that is clean and able to be used for the advancement of the Kingdom. It is a short segment of life that may feel like forever while you are in it, but remember marriage is a lifetime. So my friends, don’t just stand there… get moving and wait until the expected end happens.
INS
mage courtesy of Chaiwat / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Marriage Physical Intimacy

Sex, Who's Really In Control?

It’s no secret that under God’s law, sex is only permissible between a married man and woman. This we all know. However, how do we please each other during this sanctimonious act? How can the husband be satisfied? How can the wife be satisfied? Can both be satisfied at the same time? The answer is actually nuanced within 1 Corinthians 7:3-4. In verse 3, Paul calls it a “right”…an undeniable benefit of the marriage union. The spouse has the right under God’s eyes to sexually enjoy their mate. Again we know this, oh but what’s hidden in verse 4 is often overlooked.
“For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” – ESV
When reading this passage we often key in on the authority that our spouse doesn’t have instead of focusing on the authority that they, and we, DO have.  Moreover, we miss how that authority is directly connected to the desire…the sexual craving we should have for our spouse. God created us to be in harmony. Each spouse is a note during the song of life and together a beautiful melody can be made…especially in the bedroom, or wherever you like to worship. Sex is worship, but that’s a post for another time. We don’t have authority over our own bodies because we should SEEK TO SATISFY OUR SPOUSE!!! That is the authority under which our sex life should lie. Fellas, the thoughts of “I’m gonna get mine” from your single, fornicating days have no place in your marriage. Ladies, using your precious gift to manipulate your husband likewise is not permissible. Both are just plain selfish and can diminish the value of this precious gift of intimacy that God reserved for you and your spouse.
Sister, you should long to sexually satisfy your husband; brother, you should have an insatiable desire to sexually satisfy your wife. Under this authority, you should always be careful to consider the sexual needs of your spouse. If you’re operating within this authority, while seeking to understand each other sexually, the marriage bed can remain “undefiled”. Your bed will be honorable because you long to sexually please your spouse, and that yearning has fueled open communication about likes and dislikes so that you can meet each other’s needs. It is at this point that taking offense when coached to do something differently will be minimized. Wanting to try different things will be ok. Why…because the changes or new experiences are the desires of your spouse and your goal is to place your spouse in God-honored sexual ecstasy that is covered by the Holy union of your marriage. You know two becoming one flesh –in all ways, including sexually!!!
Now, I understand that life will happen. Kids will come. Careers will be hectic and stressful, illness, etc. Those are facts of life that we have to deal with and they may affect thefrequency, but they shouldnever affect the intimacytied to the need to please your spouse sexually. Once you can honestly say that you want to satisfy your spouse the way they want to be satisfied, you will then have moved from having sex to genuinely making love!

Before we can fulfill our own sexual desire, we must first want to fulfill theirs!

 
mage courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net