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“A time to gain,
and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away.” Ecc. 3:6
It inhibits most of us with anguish we do not even realize is there. It creeps in, settles its way comfortably into our living room couch, creating the butt-imprinted cushion and eating our Orville Redenbacher popcorn with fury.
The safety net of its apathy and easily adaptable comfortable form fitted sheets over our lives give us a sheer, sweet affection for its tangled web.
It makes the relationship or relationships, in which our wounded hearts were so tragically broken from, look unfixable. Humpty Dumpty doesn’t look like he will ever get put back together again. So rather than letting God pick up the pieces of brokenness, to embrace his process of becoming, we encounter the place of fear, unforgiveness and weighted past expectations.
These things become our teacher and our safe harbor without even understanding we have actually let them slip into that role. We think we’ve conquered, demised, shattered, shouted, called out, and burned away all the hurt, pain, and fear from the past.
For most of us we really have, we have given everything over to the Lord. We have prayed, wept and journeyed in forgiveness, joy, sorrow, and brokenness and put it into the Lord’s hands to carry.
In my own personal journey I am one who easily forgives, easily restores communication and becomes the bigger person in most romantic relationships I’ve encountered. I was in a relationship for almost a year, in which I had no doubt in my mind would turn into a forever. It was perfect. It was exactly my bucket list guy. It was the right everything.
And it would never come to pass. When it ended in confusion, what if’s and the insecurity of feeling like I wasn’t “enough or what did I do wrong”, I quickly decided I had to forgive him and be the bigger person, act like everything was great because that’s what a Christian woman of integrity would do.
She would trust it was God’s plan, He knew what He was doing. He was protecting me and saving me in a decision course that could change my destiny. Right? Yes, that’s right… I was sure of it in my mind, in the “knowing what I have to think” mindset.
I had convinced myself unforgiveness and fear was gone when really they were making a settled place in my heart.  I just could not let it go. My plans were done. My future dreams were unsalvageable. My heart was broken. What was God doing? How would anybody compare to this guy?  (Insert your best dramatic really pathetic girly voice here.}
Discovering when logic, and the “right things to think and say” never heal, is when we understand the only healing comes when our heart not just our head is free.
We never truly LET IT GO, we hold onto moments from relationships, dreams from days gone or when we drink Sonic slushies’ you can’t help but think of him/her. Letting go isn’t as easy as Elsa makes it look on Frozen.
Letting it go is the process. Becoming completely undone before the Lord in true trust and faith is the journey. It is never accomplishable in a day or days. It is the movement of coming face to face with being undone.
To let unforgiveness and fear not have a welcome mat, to not secretly let them sneak into our hearts, because the greatest hindrances they have in finding its way into our couch is its ability to withhold greatness and weigh expectations of doubt onto your next relationship.  Believe me you are not alone.
The fear of it’s just not going to work out anyway or the unforgiveness from the previous man, who hurt you is being laid upon the man of God trying to win your heart and affections the right way.  You risk relinquishing all of what God wants to do because we’ve let it go in our minds, with thinking we are over it, thinking we’ve forgiven and pushed past it. But we’ve only memorized the song and have yet to truly allow its powerful message to seep into our soul.
Let it go.  Understand I am here to give you hope and encouragement in your moments where fear and unforgiveness have been your keepers. It’s human. You are not abnormal or imperfect or disappointing to the Father. Letting go isn’t a pretty Disney song.
It is not transforming into a beautiful fancy Elsa dress and life is lovely. Letting it go is the hardest walk we will ever make. It’s walking in a valley so dry you see no sustainable life.
But take heart because the pursuit of the great King after you is like a dying man in search of water in the desert. It’s desperate and unstoppable. He wants to restore hope in the beautiful love story He has waiting.
He knows the days will be rough and hard, but He also knows the light of awakening your heart to fully letting go of it all and handing Him complete control is the greatest display of your faith and true trust in who He is and says He will be.
Let it go.  You can’t control the outcome, the ups and downs or the reasoning’s on this journey.  You can only live this beautiful unexpected life without plans, without fear of failure, without grudges and bitterness. Life is letting it go. Even if it means singing like a Disney princess to really get it!

There is a significant difference between a person who desires a covenant relationship with you and one who wants a convenient relationship with you.
Convenient relationships are established through those who are lonely, selfish, bored, has an ungodly desire for intimacy or romance, have a strong spirit of idolatry of relationships or marriage or who are governed by lust.
It is created when a person desires companionship, intimacy, someone to “take” from or manipulate, then looks for a person to be in an intimate relationship with even though they are not mature enough (naturally or spiritually) to entertain a committed relationship.
People who look for convenient relationships usually have no intention of commitment or their perspective of commitment is dysfunctional.
Convenient relationships are based on selfishness and what he/she can get out of someone else, at the other person’s expense. Men and women who look for convenient relationships are typically receivers and give only when it cost them nothing.
They most commonly enter into convenient relationships for selfish or fleshly reasons (most commonly for sexual or financial gain).
Convenient relationships can last any where from a few days to several years. Most people who entertain this type of relationship do not know they are in one and do not see it as being dysfunctional. There are several different reasons why people enter into or pursue relationships that are convenient, but all of them are unhealthy.
Those who are being used in their relationship rarely see they are being used whether it is for sex, money or emotional stability. If you are the only person who gives in your relationships (whether it is time, finances, emotional support…) you are likely entertaining a convenient relationship and are being used. The relationship is based on selfishness and convenience.
On the other hand, Covenant relationships are the idea of God and are based on commitment, loyalty, faithfulness, and unconditional love. Covenant relationships are not just limited to male-female relationships. It is also relevant and necessary where ever there is a God-ordained relationship, friendship, mentorship, discipleship or marriage.
If we consider the story of David and Jonathan in 1 Samuel 18:3-4 we see the nature of their relationship was a covenant one.
“3 And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. 4 Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.”
The foundation for covenant relationships is selflessness. In covenant relationships the desire to give to the other person far exceeds the desire to receive from them. Selflessness, Honor, Respect, Commitment, Faithfulness, Honesty, Loyalty, Oneness, Sensitivity, Accountability, Transparency and Unconditional love all attributes found in Covenant Relationships.
​Those who understand covenant understands it is not their relationships that fulfills them but instead, their fulfillment comes from God. We are to first establish a covenant relationship with Christ to learn the love of God. Once we understand His love, we are able to reciprocate it and are enabled to become faithful and committed to Christ in order to become prepared to do the same for our future mate. Covenant must first be learned through your relationship with Christ then it can be modeled later within your relationships.
The main prerequisite for marriage is covenant. If marriage is your desire you must follow covenant principles in your potential or current relationships. You can not enter into a convenient relationship with a man or woman and expect a God ordained marriage to come from it.
Convenient relationships will never have the potential to grow or evolve because it is not the intent or nature of the relationship. Although it may last for quite sometime you will find yourself in an endless cycle of trying to make the other person walk in covenant with you when it is clearly not their desire or within their ability to do so.
Waiting on God and his timing along with allowing God to instill covenant principles within you will ensure you will not waste time in dead-end, convenient relationships. Despite what society tells you, it is possible to have a covenant relationship which is based on love, faithfulness and commitment.
You don not have to settle for anything less!

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