Intentional Dating: The Way that Works

Imagine that you’re in a relationship, but your instincts are nudging you in another direction. You knew the relationship wouldn’t evolve, but you decided to entertain it anyway. Maybe you felt pressure from your friends, family, or even your mate to stick with the hope that maybe one day they’ll become everything that you want them to be.
For many, this story hits home. I can remember my teenage years being involved in endless dating cycles, having no real intent with any of the girls I dated, but participating in the comforts they provided. I mean, everyone needs someone right?!
The cycle spilled over into the first years of my college life. I can remember dating a girl wondering “Is she even someone I would actually marry, or was it just her beauty that captivated me?” During this season in my life I was recommitting my relationship to God. My life grew so dry because there was nothing that I was connected to that stimulated creativity, spontaneity, or even challenged me intellectually.
It was a night in the fall of 2008, that I had begin to seek a life that was completely surrendered to God, which in turn would help me to develop other fruitful relationships. This was that moment that I asked myself, “What are my expectations from the next relationship I entertain?” That question changed my psychology on relationships and gave me the opportunity to meet the woman who I plan to spend the rest of my life with!
Prior to my current relationship, I was in two long-term relationships (at separate times, of course) before finding the woman that I undeniably wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
There are two reasons that accounted for this: Number one, I was committed! Number two, I used “strategy” after recommitting to my relationship with God in 2008.
I had learned at a Christian workshop that you have three phases to go through before getting married: Dating, Courtship, Engagement, and then Marriage! These are the helpful tips I want to share to encourage you on your next “Intentional” relationship.
Dating is a time when you are evaluating your mate to make sure that you both are equally yoked. Scripture teaches in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “…what fellowship can light have with darkness…” If you have a desire and goal to live in the complete light that God shines through you by Him, then it is important that you protect it. By all means, what is not adding to your life is taking away from it, so sow wisely into fruitful relationships.
Once you are sure that you are ready to move into the next phase of dating, prepare for the Courting stage. In this phase, you are positioning yourself for a life potentially spent with your mate forever! By this time, you have become comfortable with that person who spends all of your time, energy, and money. Usually filters are disregarded, vulnerability is heightened, and a deep sense of security has developed. This can be one of the scariest stages, but one of the most delightful experiences as well. This is the moment when you make your decision if your mate is the person that you can see yourself serving, supporting, and celebrating for the rest of your life. When the proposal takes place, you should have solid reasons for answering YES!
Once you hit the Engagement phase, your “yes” becomes your preparation! Marriage is about purpose. There is a quote that I love by David Reuben that says, “Marriage is like a long trip in a tiny rowboat; if one passenger starts to rock the boat, the other has to steady it; otherwise they’ll both go to the bottom together.” It is so important to know what your purpose is in life so that your mate can support it; No one will sit too long behind a parked car on any expressway! In this engagement phase, you are literally preparing, sacrificing, and investing for one of God’s greatest designs, MARRIAGE!
If you can filter your dating process through these helpful tips, you will discover the beauty in fruitful relationships. Try it out and enjoy the process! And as for my story…well, my near future involves an engagement ring!