Month: October 2016

Categories
Finances Marriage

7 Tips to Leave an Inheritance for Your Children's Children

African American family together outside their home

Wanting the best for your children is a universal desire for all parents. Just as God doesn’t desire to see His children struggle, no one ever aspires to see their children struggle or go through the financial challenges they may have faced.  
Far too many of us know the “struggle” too well. Trading long hours for dollars to barely get by.  Chances are, your parents did the same thing and your parent’s parents likely did too. In fact, financial issues are one of the top reason for marital problems and divorce.
Our beliefs and understanding of finances typically comes from our forefathers, creating similar cycles until something or someone changes. Proverbs 13:22a says, “A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children…” This wasn’t my story or my husband’s. But it doesn’t have to be the same for our children. Together my husband and I plan to one day leave an inheritance for even our future grandchildren. Below are 7 tips we’ve discovered and started doing to create the necessary financial changes in our lives:
 1.  Mindset: We should never idolize or worship money but our belief system and mindset regarding finances can explain a lot. How do you currently view money? Do you believe only the rich get richer and the poor get poorer or that it’s hard to come by, etc? Those may have been your past experiences but they don’t have to continue to be your reality. God desires to see his children prosper. If needed, shift your mindset to align with God’s word regarding your finances.
2.  Purpose: Discover and walk in your purpose. By doing what we are created to do opens doors and God provides provision.
3.  Financial stewardship: How are you managing your finances? Can God trust you with what you have now? Luke 16:10 says, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.”
4. Giving: This one is pretty self explanatory. “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” Luke 6:38.
5.  Investing: Most of us were taught to go school, get good grades and find a good job. And that’s it! Seek counsel and wisdom on how you can invest your money, time and talents to reap a return. The parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30) is a good illustration of investing.
6. Working hard: Even though God doesn’t desire to see us struggle we still have to do our part. We can’t sit around doing nothing and expect a return. Proverbs 10:4 says, “Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth.”
7. Raising your children to do the same: Starting young, we should begian instilling all of the above into our children. An inheritance is not just financial, it is also wisdom. Teaching our children how to give, invest, steward their money, etc will create a generational cycle of financial success.   
 
 

Categories
Communication Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage Single

What to Do When You Discover It's Love

Five years before my wife became my wife, we were stuck in summer school together. Our school had cubicles lining the walls and she was two cubicles away from where I sitting. I feel bad for the poor, innocent soul who sat in the cubicle between ours; he was stuck right in the middle of two star-struck teens, in the thick of our teen angst.
We would toss little notes of wadded graph paper back and forth between cubicles. We did this all summer long; it’s how we passed our time! But one day, it all changed. Sarah wasn’t even my girlfriend at the time, but there was obvious chemistry between us. I knew how I felt, but was far too afraid to tell her—and even more terrified to discover how she felt.
This little game of ours went on without a hitch—until one day, our safe little world was cracked wide open. After a fun night hanging out with our friends, she looked at me differently as she got back into her car. The next day, she was obviously being tormented by some distant musings. I asked her if anything was wrong, but she couldn’t give me a straight answer. I was frustrated and bewildered by the complexity of the female mind, and returned to my little cubicle, none the wiser.
As our four-hour summer classes ended that day, that familiar little wadded up ball of paper landed on my desk—but this time, with a thud. This one changed my world. “I’m OK, Dan. I just never expected to fall in love with my best friend.”
What? Excuse me, WHAT?!
True Love’s Aftermath
As I went to work after that stunning revelation that Sarah was in love…with me…my mind was awhirl with questions, and joy, and terror.
When you discover that the individual that you’ve been pining after with trembling hands and heart ablaze feels the same way, everything changes. Navigating the precarious waters of being in love is a beautiful, yet delicate situation.
I’d like to help you out. When you discover that it’s love, remember these three things: recall your standards, act with chivalry, and stay calm.
Recall Your Standards.
When you fall in love, it is so easy and very tempting to follow your heart. As romantic and poetic as this notion sounds, the biblical principle is to follow the Holy Spirit. Your heart is still in process and development. In the nostalgic and whimsical realm of love, I had to remember what true love looks like, which is often to protect your relationship and your hearts, at the expense of impulsivity. Remember your vows of purity, and adhere to them. It is easy to fall to prey to impulses when your heart suppresses your rationale.
Act with Chivalry.
I knew that I had Sarah wrapped around my finger, and she knew she had me at her beck and call, also. It would have been easy for me to act on instinct, rather than respect. Don’t allow your flesh to mute your chivalry. Serve him or her. Be honest. Be the you that he or she fell in love with.
Stay Calm.
When that bomb dropped and I learned of Sarah’s true feelings for me, I panicked. What if I couldn’t sustain her feelings? What if she got to know me more intimately, and learned that I was more human than she had originally thought? These thoughts are normal. What I learned instead was to take it step by step, day by day. Your significant other fell in love with you. Not your superhero alter ego! Understand that, yes, your companion will see your flaws, but true love will pick up where infatuation leaves off.
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

Is He or She the One?

Attractive Afro-American couple using tablet, holding a cup and laughing while sitting on beanbag chairs against brick wall

co-authored with Culus Williams

Many singles find themselves feeling helpless in their waiting period. They find themselves wondering, “What can I do to help myself?” I wrote an article last month, encouraging singles to “Position Yourself to be Found” Check out the article here: https://53722c5514.nxcli.net/position-yourself-to-be-found/

Are you in the position, “What happens next?”  You are now a target for a good thing or a counterfeit. The enemy will send the counterfeit to tempt you to settle for someone that God didn’t design for you.  The enemy will always send a representative that fits the description of everything that you’re prayed for in a mate.

The scripture that encouraged me to inspire you is: “1 Chronicles 28:9 The Lord knows what is in everyone’s mind. He understands everything you think. If you go to him for help, you will get an answer.”

Just because someone pursues you (ladies)  or responds (men) – it  doesn’t mean they are the one for you. Pray that this is the one that  God has for you. The man or woman that God has for you will not only talk the talk but they will walk the walk.

Don’t let their words sweep you off your feet or their charming looks deceive you. Go to God in prayer and ask him to reveal it to you.  His word tells us, if we go to him for help, he will answer us.

I’m sure you’ve heard this time and time again but it’s so true – “TRUST GOD!”

Let me share this as well. Just because a man or woman attends church doesn’t mean they are the right one. You still need to pray that this is the person that God has for you. They may go to church but it doesn’t mean they are a doer of God’s word. Even if they approach you, it’s okay to reject their offer. Some people are meant to just be acquaintances or even our friends.

Here’s another helpful insight.  If God’s answer is “NO” keep it moving and don’t look back. If God doesn’t answer – just sit and observe that  persons actions.  If their actions  don’t  line up with the word of God, keep it moving.

One last point, if God gives you a “YES.” Then know that God has also given that person confirmation that you’re the one. God isn’t the author of confusion – he will speak to both of you. Amen!

I desire for you to be connected to the right one. Meditate on 1 Chronicles 28:9 and allow God to direct your path during the pursuing season.

 

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

3 Dangers of Mistaking a Project for a Potential Mate

African couple hugging outdoors

There is a significant difference between a Project and a Potential Mate and it is imperative to distinguish the difference between the two.
A project is a person who you connect with and take on the role of helping them to strengthen their relationship with God. A project may or may not have a genuine motive to pursue God and they often seek your help to guide them.
On the other hand, a potential is someone who is already spiritually at your level. This person has a consistent relationship with the Lord and the fruit of their relationship with God can be visibly seen and verified.  A potential is someone who you can help grow spiritually, but he/she can also help you to grow in areas as well. You sharpen one another and you are both actively pursuing God without the persuasion of someone else.
Here are 3 Dangers of Mistaking a Project for a Potential Mate:
1. Projects Are NOT Suitable Helpers or Ready to Lead! Just because they gave their life to God with your help, does not mean He sent them to you for the purpose of a romantic relationship. Mistaking a project for your help meet or yourself as their help meet is not wise.
Men of God, it is deception to believe a woman who has yet to establish fruit in her relationship with God will be equipped to bear fruit in one with you. Genesis 2:18 tells us “The Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” If you are walking with a woman who has yet to discover her true identity in Christ, is it even possible for her to understand her role as your Help Meet? Furthermore, if she is not in a position to help herself, how can you expect her to help you?
Gentlemen, if she cannot HELP you, can she really be your Help Meet?  Women of God, if Ephesians 5:23 says “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church”, how can your Project be your Potential Mate if you are leading him? If he has not allowed God to transform his nature and to first teach him how to become a student of the word and a son of God first, why promote him to Hubby status? No matter how much time and energy you invest in your project, only God can make a man of God out of him. Ladies God never intended for you to take on His job!
2. Are you Equally Yoked? It’s great you desire to help them, but keep in mind you are not on the same level as a project and you are unequally yoked with them. When defining what it means to be unequally yoked with someone many times we only focus on the first part of 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers”. However, there is more to this scripture…”for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness”? If a man/ woman professes to be a believer but has yet to be transformed by God, can you honestly say you are equally yoked with him/her? It’s great they are now attending church regularly, but have they endured the process of allowing the light of Christ to remove the darkness from within them? The truth is, a project is not spiritually mature enough to be yoked to anyone!
3. You Risk Becoming the God in Their Life. When the lines of a project relationship crossover into a romantic relationship, it is most likely that the person guiding the relationship will attempt to mold the project into what they desire them to be. This is extremely dangerous because if the focus shifts from leading him/her to the Lord to leading them to your own heart, what happens when they encounter you but have yet to truly encounter God? When this occurs there is a strong possibility that you may become an idol or the savior in their life. It is important to not allow yourself to become a stumbling block (Corinthians 8:9) or an idol to the project in order to fulfill your own motives and desires.
Unmarried men and women, all projects have a deadline! Attempting to hold on to a project relationship beyond its expiration date will most likely lead to failure. Mistaking a project for a potential can cause you to extend a season that should have ended a long time ago. Projects are designed to remain in your life for only a season. When you extend this season longer than necessary, you delay the arrival of your potential as a result of being consumed with attempting to form a covenant with a temporary project.