Spotlights and Sidelines: Whose Dreams Come First? Part 1

“You can be anything you want to be, as long as you put your mind to it.”
These are the cliche words that echoed in our ears as children as we dreamed of being astronauts, rock stars, princesses, and even the President of the United States. As the years passed by and we navigated the seas of life, we began to find out that statement was much easier said than done, and sometimes it sounded like an outright lie. After all we did much more than just “put our mind to it”… We poured our time, money, emotions, and even our identity into attaining that dream.
 
How many times have you heard someone say that they are waiting to get married until they finish school, start their ministry, get that dream job, etc.? Now I realize there are practical reasons for this but I also strongly believe there is an underlying mentality that keeps us from being fully able to commit to a relationship because we think we have to give up on our dreams to accommodate another’s. We figure that if we have that piece locked safely into our life prior to marriage, then it gets grandfathered in as a mutual goal.
 
I spent over a decade pursuing a music career. I was 110% sure I was going to be a famous recording artist…heck I had even been on American Idol, so it must be true! It consumed me and took all of my time and resources. Their was no relationship in my life that could hold a candle to fulfilling my dream of performing for the world, and everyone, even my own family, took a back seat. I was the last person anyone wanted to marry. Then came the day it lost its luster. I was jaded from rejection and tired of having nothing to show for my efforts. I told myself to grow up and I put that dream away.
 
That’s when I met Jesus. That’s when I heard He had plans and a future for me. That’s when He told me His plans involved me doing music again and my passion was reignited. That is also when I met my wife…and she came packaged with her own dreams as well. Oh Jesus, how you love irony.
 
Two people, passionately pursuing dreams and desires of their own, now called to support their partner’s as well, while also committing to build a thriving marriage and family. With limited resources…time, money, and energy…it seems like some major compromise was in order and someone must be headed for disappointment.
 
Whose gets the spotlight? Who stands on the sidelines?
 
I am afraid that there is no one solid solution for this…but there are strategies that will guide you to your own way of working through your unique situation. God obviously created marriage as a beautiful thing and He also cares about each individuals desires. Although there will be seasons of spotlights and sidelines for each of us, there is also grace and provision enough for everything as well.
A favorite quote of mine states “a person is never diminished by celebrating another’s success.”  Especially within the covenant of marriage, when you seem to be at an impasse in the decision to set a course, giving preference to the other will never end badly…it is a cornerstone of Christianity to prefer others above yourself.
 
If this issue is something you deal with in your marriage, then stay tuned for Part 2 of this series in which we will present some key mentalities and strategies that will allow you to work together and maintain a healthy partnership where you both can flourish individually.