Tag: relationship-killer

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Dating/Courting Single

Burden or Benefit: Is it Worth my Time?

Beauty with laptop. Attractive young African woman in warm sweater working on laptop while sitting on the window sill

This is the beginning of the New Year and it is usual for people to start up their dream boards and yearly goals. While brainstorming on the direction that I wanted my life to take this year, I began to get overwhelmed with the amount of things that I had already committed myself to. I stopped and asked myself one of the most important questions that I have ever evaluated… “Am I wasting my time? And if not, is all that I am involved in a burden or benefit?”
Life has a way of demanding so much of our time, and if we are not careful we easily find ourselves struggling to keep up with an overwhelming load. Whether it was pressure or voluntarily, we love the idea of being busy, but struggle with the reality of expounding the effort. Some may delegate the blame to some false reality that they “HAD” to do it, when the truth is that we all have CHOICE. I was always taught that most often, “People are exactly where they want to be.”
Time is one of the most precious assets that every human being has. It is the one and only things that can’t be compounded, saved, reinvested, or given more of. The simplest example of this is the local hair dresser who charges $15 for a haircut and another that charge $25. The difference of the two is the one that values their time, and perhaps have even spent more time sharpening their craft. Both in this example most likely have a different perspective on how much they think their time is worth, and how well they will manage the time they have. Once we begin to put more value on our time, we LITERALLY begin to reevaluate the things that we give our time away to!
Looking at your life at this very moment, ask yourself, “Has my time been invested in things that burden or benefit my life?” Think of your job, business, ministry, nonprofits, etc and be honest with yourself about the time that you’re spending in any of them and evaluate what it is doing to cultivate your life. James 4:14 reads, “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” Embracing this scripture, we see that time is the MOST valuable thing that we have. You can’t get it back or save it up…So make it worthwhile!!!

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Dating/Courting Home Single

Pursue Me

Guest Writer: Casey Sharperson
It was a set up. You know, when someone who loves you dearly just can’t stand that fact that you’re single, so they try to help God out, kind of set up. They mean well and you’re thankful that they care, so you accept, just in case they’re right this time and you don’t want to miss your blessing. So there I was, listening awkwardly to foreign music coming from the misaligned speakers and wondering what I’d gotten myself into. Don’t get me wrong, he was pleasant and I heard great things about him, but this date wasn’t working for me. Here’s why: I wasn’t being pursued. By his own admission, he’d stalked my social media and asked about me and decided that he knew everything that he needed to know. So instead of spending the date with small talk about life, interests, faith, we spent it talking about… him.
On the drive home, the Holy Spirit put a check in my spirit about the date. He reminded me that we do the exact same thing to Christ. We listen to testimonies about his faithfulness, sermons about his goodness, and songs about his righteousness. Technology give us access to the entire world with the swipe of a finger and the click of a button. We see inspirational posts, a nice saying about God here or there and a maybe a quick morning devotional. While nothing is wrong with these, they shouldn’t be the only elements to our relationship with God. Most of what we know and think about Christ is second-hand and from someone else. Just as we long to be pursued and prioritized in a dating relationship, we should chase God in that same manner. Let inspiration serve as a catalyst to study more about a topic, meditate on related scriptures, or pray about certain areas.
We can’t assume that we know everything about him, even if we’ve been in church for years. It’s an on-going relationship. At no point do you “arrive” and stop seeking his face. The Lord wants us to KNOW him. It takes time and energy to build and cultivate a relationship. Whether you’re single, “married to Jesus,” dating, or married, remember that your first focus is Christ. Build on your personal relationship rather than the relationship of others.
“And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13
 
 
Casey Sharperson Headshot
Casey Sharperson, known as the The Confidence Cultivator, is a speaker, blogger, and mentor to millennials looking to go to the next level. She is passionate about cultivating the confidence within others to take them from stagnant to stellar, in order to live the lives they were created to live. Named DMV’s Top 30 under 30, she is passionate about merging faith and business to unlock her client’s God-given potential. Visit her on www.caseysharperson.com for inspiration and transformation.

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Dating/Courting Single

Purpose in Relationships : What's is your "Why?"

Young black woman drinking tea and chatting with boyfriend on couch

It is needful that any relationship and particularly dating relationships have clear definition. In a few recent conversations and virtue of personal experience in relationships, I found that knowing purpose or the “why” of the relationship can protect the health of it and the people involved as individuals. In this case, what you don’t know CAN hurt you.
When there is purpose for a thing it gives you something to work for, cherish, protect and nurture.
LADIES: if a man cannot clearly articulate the purpose of his presence in your life, then you need to kindly escort him out of it! Otherwise, you will be led on and left to wander like a lost sheep because he’s failed to give you precise direction and definition. I am shocked at the number of women who continue on in involvement with guys who will not provide plain, straightforward definition of the relationship.
This happened to me before I learned better. I was involved with a man who never made it clear what his intentions were in my life. He wanted to keep “us” as a secret and carry on as if we were together but kept me lost in the dark about our relationship and the direction it was headed in. As a woman, I was caught up in the emotion of it, but with a false pretense: my emotions were led to a place where no commitment had been made. That was a very dangerous place. I was led on in circles because he refused to put language to his involvement in my life and as a result, it ended in bitter heartbreak.
My point is this ladies: purpose makes a man accountable! This particular man was happy to keep me a secret because he had nothing to be accountable for. I did not hold him accountable for his behavior and sadly I suffered the consequence of that. When a man is serious about you, he is going to make his intentions known and usually right upfront. A man who is not serious about you won’t tell you anything, he’ll just be there and you won’t be going anywhere. A man who knows his purpose in your life cannot just casually date you or lead you on- he won’t even desire to. And just an FYI…it is okay to ask for definition because you need to know! I am not saying to move ahead of the guy’s pace because he should naturally be the pursuer, I am referring to if there has been no talk of commitment or definition but you “feel” like you are in a relationship already.
No purpose is going to get you nowhere…fast.
When there is nothing to work towards or there is no clear direction of where you are headed; you will easily become lost. Or, you will find yourself going in circles or even worse, you’ll proceed and land in a ditch because there is not a set path in sight.
Purpose is like the steering wheel of a relationship because it is your guide for where you are headed and what you are to accomplish together. Where there is no purpose, sadly, there is no movement. How frustrating is it to be in a relationship that is not going anywhere?
Once the purpose of the relationship is determined, vision should come shortly after. You should be able to clearly see and understand what your relationship is meant to accomplish. Think about walking into a dark room and closing the door behind you. If you do not turn on the light switch before you close the door, you will have to feel your way around the room until you find it. This should not be the case in relationships; we should not have to “feel” our way through them. Purpose helps to turn the lights on in the beginning so that you can see where you are going.
In your relationship, make sure that you know and are able to answer the “why”.

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Dating/Courting Single

Dear Future Husband…

female hands with pen writing on notebook on grass outside

Dear Future Husband:
Guest Writer: Calandra Thompson
I was part of you before we met in the physical realm. God formed me just for you. We are both spiritual beings living this natural experience. I will be your helper because God created me for you. I was made in the image of God just as you have been made in the image of God. God made no mistakes when he formed us both in our mother’s wombs.
I was created to support, love, and uplift, encourage, strengthen and compliment you in all areas of your life. Although I am a woman I still have the power and influence to help you on this journey. We are imperfect people but we are perfect for each other. Were you are weak I will be your strength and were I am weak you will be my strength. We will be powerful because God will be the head of our union.
As I reflect on the rib that came from man’s side and created woman, I can’t help but tell you that I will be by your side every step of the way. I will walk with you because I know that God is leading you. The unity in our marriage will come from us both being able to support each other physically, emotionally, mentally and most importantly spiritually.
I want a mind blowing experience from our first encounter. Your transparency will wipe away fears that you don’t know exist. Our connection will be confirmation from that prayers that I have prayed. We will share our dreams, fears and aspirations with each other. We will follow the way that God has instructed us how to love each other.
I vow today I will love you even when there are unlovable moments, I will respect you because I know that you are connected to the vine, I will assist you whenever you need me whether it be ministry or personal growth, I will submit to you because I know that you are connected to the source, my spirit will remain gentle and quiet. I will continue to support and encourage you in all that you do. You will always be uplifted in my prayers!
 
Calandra Thompson is a Christian Blogger of http://inspiredcali14.blogspot.com/ a blog that is written to encourage and inspire people in their daily walk with Jesus Christ. Calandra is currently enrolled in seminary school. Calandra has 3 beautiful children and is currently dating a wonderful man of God with a purpose. Her passion for Christ inspires her to spread the gospel to all that will hear. Calandra resides in Dallas, TX and attends Christian Chapel Temple of Faith CME.

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Dating/Courting Home Single

5 Signs That Indicate He/She May Not be That Into You….

Closeup portrait dumb young woman, arms out asking what's problem, who cares so what, I don't know. Isolated green background space to right. Negative human emotion facial expressions, body language

Have you ever received mixed signals from a man/woman who seemed to be into you one minute then months/years later you became confused and unsure of where the relationship was headed? If you can relate to this emotional roller coaster, here are some signs that can help to determine if he/she is really not that into you:
1. If you are the one who always initiates communication, he/she may not be that into you. When a man or woman is interested in you, he/she will call, text, email or send smoke signals to get your attention. Not in a “stalkerish” way, but you will not be left to wonder if he/she is interested in you. When the interest is mutual both individuals will do their share of communicating with one another. However, the male should be taking the lead in the pursuit. Ladies, your job is to confirm your interest after HE pursues you.
2. If he/she consistently make excuses about why they can not make time for you, he/she may not be that into you. When a man/woman is interested in you, no matter how busy their schedule is they will make time for you!
3. If no one important to them knows you exist, he/she may not be that into you. When a man finds a woman he is interested in, he will share his interest with those close to him. If he has never mentioned you to his close  friends or family, chances are he is not that into you. Women love to show off the man in their life. If she has not mentioned you after several months of dating, you may just be an option for her, but nothing serious.
4. If he/she can not express their pursuit or feelings for you publicly, but communicates to you how important you are to them in secret, the truth is he/she may not be that into you. While I don’t believe every move made in the relationship should be public, if he/she is a public person (often shares great news and aspects of their life on social media) but there is no trace of you….there may be a problem. When a man is interested in a woman and really feels she is his potential mate, he will not hide her. He is not afraid of sharing his pursuit of her publicly. If he is truly decided about her place in his life, his goal will be to take her off the market as soon as possible. As it pertains to women, a decided woman will most certainly let the world know she is taken and involved. She will not keep her man a secret!
5. If a significant amount have time has elapsed and he/she is not ready to move forward with you to the next level, he/she may not be that into you. If you have spent several months or years getting to know a man/woman by dating and discussing a future together and he/she shows no interest in moving forward….he/she may not be into you. A reluctant man is a undecided man. Men who are ready for marriage know what they want and are prepared prior to pursuing a woman. Any other form of pursuit is simply a gamble and can result in a dead end relationship. Men, a woman who will entertain you while you spend money to take her out and on gifts, but is reluctant to move forward with you after spending a significant time in a dating relationship may enjoy the benefits of having you around….however she is most likely not sold on having a future with you.
For those who desire true love God’s way, refuse to settle for dead end relationships. Do not make a man or woman your all when they they have simply made you an option! Men, you are worthy of a woman who will make room for you in her life and will commit to you and only you. Ladies, you are worth the pursuit of a decided man who will make his pursuit of you clear and known to the world!

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Dating/Courting Home Single

Singles…What is Distracting You?

Confused teacher sitting at table scratching his head thinking what idea to write isolated office grey wall background with copy space. Human face expressions, emotions, feelings, body language

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Dating/Courting Engaged Parenting Single

6 Gains of Contentment

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Dating/Courting Single

Relationships: From Distraction to Focus

Guest Writers: Culus Ellerton Williams II & Calandra Thompson
 
Calandra: Many of us have become distracted by the temporary things that have been placed in our paths by the enemy. God doesn’t want his people to be distracted, He wants us to be focused. As a woman, I desired to be married but I was choosing all the wrong men. These men were only distractions from the purpose that God had for my life.
 
My spirit was grieving and I knew that God was requiring more from me. God wanted me to trust Him with my life. His word says in Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” God removed the distractions from my life and He began to prepare me for my future. My focus shifted from dating to chasing after God.
 
Culus: As a man, distractions are so common in our everyday lives that it can be hard to discern between things that help or hinder us. For a long time in my life, it seemed as if my time was spent with people who would rather hurt and hinder me than help and encourage me, specifically when it came to the women I would date. I realized what my true problem was. The qualities that I wanted most in women didn’t match the standard God had for my life.
 
After feeling like a worn out tire, I felt that I needed some serious re-prioritization. God has a special way of grasping our attention in order for us to realize and accept the purpose in our lives, and the people He sends in our lives that will help us achieve that purpose. Once I began to clearly hear God speak the purpose He had for me and who He would send to help me reach my desired destination, clarity was provided.
 
God sees what we cannot and can understands things that are far too perplexed for our minds. He knows that what our flesh desires will have our minds in a state of instability. If you really want the person God has for you, we need to start being the person God needs for us to be. Who God has for you is for you! As you can see, we both turned from our distractions and started to focus on God. God is first in both of our lives and His presence is welcomed in our courtship.  We worship, pray and study God’s word together. We are courting with a purpose to be married and for our union to inspire other people.
 
Culus: “I tell my lady all the time that it took 26 years for me to find her, but I would still be looking for her if I hadn’t gotten a clear interpretation of what God had in store for me.”
Calandra: “I tell people that he is my praise report because he is a gift from up above.”
 
 
Culus & Calandra
My name is Culus Ellerton Williams II. I am devoted to God, family, and progression. I am also a member of Christian Chapel Temple of Faith and I am leader of the Game Changers Ministry. I enjoy helping others, seeing business growth, and learning God’s word.
Calandra Thompson is a Christian Blogger of http://inspiredcali14. blogspot.com/ a blog that is written to encourage and inspire people in their daily walk with Jesus Christ. She is a ministry leader and supports many other ministries. Calandra is currently enrolled in seminary school to prepare her for the calling on her life. Calandra has 3 beautiful children and is currently courting CJ Williams with a purpose to marry. Her passion for Christ inspires her to spread the gospel to all that will hear. Calandra resides in Dallas, TX and attends Christian Chapel Temple of Faith CME.

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

The Bowman's Story: Why Your Virginity is your Daddy's Business

There seems to be a lot of  buzz about being a virgin these days, especially since recording artist Tim Bowman Jr. married his bride Brelyn Freeman, now Bowman.
 
The buzz does not come from the fact that they got married,but rather because Brelyn, the bride, gave her father a certificate of virginity stating that her hyman was intact and that she was a virgin. Most people are confused as to why she needed to do this, and even more so, why she posted it on social media.
 
I do not know the girl personally, so I can not tell why for sure, but I can go into some of the  biblical significance of your virginity, and why it was her daddy’s business after all. Before I begin, it is also important to note that it is reported that the groom was also a virgin, which is amazing!
 
I am very proud of both of them! In a culture full of pressure to conform sexually, it is very rare that couples wait. With that said, let me give some biblical background as to why the bride may have decided to present the certificate to her father publicly:
 
Duetoronmy 22:13-18( New Life Version)
“13 If a man takes a wife and goes in to her and decides he does not like her, 14 and says that she did sinful acts and puts her to shame before others and says, ‘I took this woman, but when I came near her, I found that she had been with another man,’ 15 then the girl’s father and mother should bring what is needed to prove she has not been with another man to the leaders of the city at the gate. 16 The girl’s father will say to the leaders, ‘I gave my daughter to this man for a wife. But he turned against her. 17 He said she has done sinful acts, saying, “I found that your daughter has been with another man.” But I brought what will prove that my daughter has not been with another man.’ And they will spread the clothing in front of the leaders of the city. 18 Then the leaders of that city will take the man and punish him. 19 They will make him pay a hundred pieces of silver and give it to the girl’s father, because he has put to shame the name of an Israelite girl who has not had a man. She will still be his wife. He cannot divorce her as long as he lives.
 
So, why a marriage certificate?
 
1. It is a Form of Protection- Our culture has a hard time grasping this concept because we have diluted the seriousness of marriage. While Jesus came and fulfilled the law, which allows us to be free from the law, there are still some great things within the law that obviously this young lady and her family have chosen to continue to practice.
Presenting a marriage certificate to her father is symbolic to the bloody sheet the Israelite girls gave to their parent’s after the wedding night. If people are freaking out over a certificate, I am not sure what they would do with the bloody sheet.
It was the fathers job to guard the daughters purity and heart. Could it be possible that Brelyn was thanking her father for the great job he had done in helping protect her purity and her heart? In the passage I shared, the father used the bloody sheet to confirm that her daughter was for sure a virgin. The medical examination was this young ladies confirmation.
 
2. It is a Sign of Honor- Both men and women are encouraged to keep their bodies for their spouse.  For women in the old testament, it brought honor to her family. It was a shameful thing for a woman to be running around sleeping with whoever she wanted.
There was honor in waiting and keeping herself pure. A woman being pure was not just for her sake, but it was a sign that the family raised her well, thus she was suitable for the best man possible. Men were expected to be pure as well, and there were consequences for their promiscuity too. However, because the bride was being given away, it brought honor to the father to know he was giving his daughter away as a virgin. Perhaps Brelyn felt like it would be good to honor her family publicly for encouraging her and teaching her to keep herself pure before marriage. Maybe she wanted to honor and gift her father with this certificate. Remember, in the old testament the women gave her parents her bloody sheet!
 
3. It is a public decree of devotion- In the passage we read when a man tried to put away a woman dishonorably, it was done publicly. Everyone gathered in the town square to hash the matter out. Marriage was not just between the man and the woman, the whole community was involved. Perhaps this is  why we have seen moral decay in our own culture, marriage is no longer communal.
I come from an African culture where marriage is still very much communal. Everyone is invested in the marriage, and everyone works hard to make sure it works. If the shaming was public, why could the celebration of purity not be public as well?  Could it be that Brelyn wanted to make a public declaration of God’s faithfulness in keeping her?
As I have mentioned, I do not know the young lady, nor her reasons behind her choice. But, based upon my understanding of marriage and the biblical culture, maybe these are some of the reasons she chose to share it with both her father and the public.
 
Before I finish, I want to share some other practical reasons for all singles to preserve their virginity and celebrate it with joy their wedding night:
1.Spiritual Protection– Sex outside of marriage is a sin; sin opens doors to the enemy. There are certain things in our lives which we can not break through and certain promises we can not attain if we are in sin and open rebellion. it is as simple as that. Sin keeps us from God and His promises.
2. Emotional Protection- God created sex to bond people together; waiting keeps you from becoming entangled with the wrong person emotionally.
3. Physical Protection– Sex can take a toll on the body outside of marriage. Waiting protects you from unwanted sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy before marriage.
4. Guards against heartbreak- Breakups are hard enough, but often much harder if you have been involved sexually with that person. Sex was meant to keep two married people together. God created it as a glue. That’s why divorce is painful and sexual relationships end painfully, God never intended that sexual covenant to be broken.
5. It honors God- You can honor God with your words, or you can honor him with your life. Controlling your sexual appetite is one of the hardest things to do. But, when you can submit yourself to God completely in that area,  enriches your intimacy and brings you closer to God.
 
Here is a thank you video from Brelyn along with the contract she signed with her father years ago. Check it out here under their thank you tab.
Cheers Timothy and Brelyn & good Job!

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Single

How Dating the Wrong Person Almost Killed my God-Given Gifts

Couple not talking after a fight on the sofa in living room at home

Keep Watch over your heart, it’s where life starts Proverbs 4:23 (MSG)
 
For those who knew me as a child, they’d say I was extremely jovial, always cracking jokes, loved having fun, in addition to being extremely compassionate! I loved to see people smile, and would do everything in my power to contribute to the happiness of other’s. Well, right around junior year of high school that began to change, it got worse in college, but in grad school my old personality began to resurface once more.
 
What happened within those 6 years? I know now that I offered my God-given gifts to those who abused it. No matter how much they misused me and my gifts, I continued to offer them. Eventually, I began to despise who God created me to be. At that time I blamed God, “If you would have never made me this way, I wouldn’t be so hurt”.
 
The one situation that hurt me the most occurred in college. My grandfather passed in February of 2009, afraid of being by myself, I requested the presence of the guy I was dating. He came to my dorm (one floor away) for what seemed like 30 minutes and complained the entire time, “Can I leave?” “Do you still need me up here?” I let him leave. But, I remember when he was having a hard time with his parents divorce. I jumped in my car and drove 45 minutes to make sure he wasn’t alone. And, that’s only one of many examples. Slowly but surely, the mistreatment of those in my life turned me into a cold-hearted young lady. I now associated compassion with weakness, and jovialness as a “joke”.
 
It wasn’t until graduate school that I grew tired of being mean, unhappy, and living a life unfulfilled! I knew that wasn’t the life God created me to live simply because it was hard to maintain! As we know, God’s burden is light and his yoke is easy; for me there was nothing easy about being mean and melancholy. As time progressed, the more I worshiped, the more I felt what wasn’t mine (meanness and a lack of compassion) lift off of me. Oh, and it feels amazing to be the person God created me to be once more.
 
Of all of this, I’ve learned to protect my God-given gifts in any and every relationship, both romantic and non-romantic. When dating, be sure to date those who sharpen your gifts, not stifle them. As a therapist to adolescent, a CEO of a mentoring organization, and servant in ministry, its impossible to thrive without a smile and compassion. It’s almost as if the enemy saw what my future was comprised of, so he did his best to shut it down; his weapon of choice….dating. Don’t allow your desire for companionship to kill the very thing you were created for.
 
Be encouraged and protect your gifts at any cost!
 
Shannon C Colar
Lovebyencouragement.com