Sex, Who's Really In Control?

It’s no secret that under God’s law, sex is only permissible between a married man and woman. This we all know. However, how do we please each other during this sanctimonious act? How can the husband be satisfied? How can the wife be satisfied? Can both be satisfied at the same time? The answer is actually nuanced within 1 Corinthians 7:3-4. In verse 3, Paul calls it a “right”…an undeniable benefit of the marriage union. The spouse has the right under God’s eyes to sexually enjoy their mate. Again we know this, oh but what’s hidden in verse 4 is often overlooked.
“For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” – ESV
When reading this passage we often key in on the authority that our spouse doesn’t have instead of focusing on the authority that they, and we, DO have.  Moreover, we miss how that authority is directly connected to the desire…the sexual craving we should have for our spouse. God created us to be in harmony. Each spouse is a note during the song of life and together a beautiful melody can be made…especially in the bedroom, or wherever you like to worship. Sex is worship, but that’s a post for another time. We don’t have authority over our own bodies because we should SEEK TO SATISFY OUR SPOUSE!!! That is the authority under which our sex life should lie. Fellas, the thoughts of “I’m gonna get mine” from your single, fornicating days have no place in your marriage. Ladies, using your precious gift to manipulate your husband likewise is not permissible. Both are just plain selfish and can diminish the value of this precious gift of intimacy that God reserved for you and your spouse.
Sister, you should long to sexually satisfy your husband; brother, you should have an insatiable desire to sexually satisfy your wife. Under this authority, you should always be careful to consider the sexual needs of your spouse. If you’re operating within this authority, while seeking to understand each other sexually, the marriage bed can remain “undefiled”. Your bed will be honorable because you long to sexually please your spouse, and that yearning has fueled open communication about likes and dislikes so that you can meet each other’s needs. It is at this point that taking offense when coached to do something differently will be minimized. Wanting to try different things will be ok. Why…because the changes or new experiences are the desires of your spouse and your goal is to place your spouse in God-honored sexual ecstasy that is covered by the Holy union of your marriage. You know two becoming one flesh –in all ways, including sexually!!!
Now, I understand that life will happen. Kids will come. Careers will be hectic and stressful, illness, etc. Those are facts of life that we have to deal with and they may affect thefrequency, but they shouldnever affect the intimacytied to the need to please your spouse sexually. Once you can honestly say that you want to satisfy your spouse the way they want to be satisfied, you will then have moved from having sex to genuinely making love!

Before we can fulfill our own sexual desire, we must first want to fulfill theirs!

 
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