Month: February 2016

Guest Writer: Daphney Marc
Far too often are we fed with the misconception that true happiness among other things isn’t fulfilled unless we’ve found true love. Of course being in a relationship, and ultimately getting married is great, and what a blessing it can be, but little do we acknowledge the enlightenment that can happen after having experienced heartbreak; like discovering the person you thought you’d spend your life with cannot meet your expectations, or that they are not the person you thought they were, or giving your all and it still not being enough. Whatever the case may be, what comes after can be quite profound.
I believe that not many people are equipped with the knowledge of the qualities a good partner should have or what a healthy relationship should comprise of, or maybe we do, but we then settle for the sake of not wanting to be alone. As Dr. Dobson (Christian author and psychologist) says “A bad marriage is far worse than the lonely instance of singleness.”
I was single for quite a while before I got into my first serious relationship. I was okay with being single because I never came across anyone who made me want otherwise. I guess being single especially for a certain length of time gives you the kind of comfort and insight that makes it pretty difficult for just anyone to come along. Before delving into that relationship I knew it wasn’t quite right not because there was anything immediately off about him, but something told me “hmmmm I don’t know” but I was also getting older, and still single, so I thought why not give it a try and see where it goes.
Needless to say, I fell deep into that relationship even after having that hesitation from the beginning. And in the midst of it I was so consumed with making it work that the activities I initially cared for took the back seat. It distracted me from the things that really needed my attention. I got so focused on that relationship that I convinced myself of the possibilities of it flourishing into something long lasting, my happily ever after, but deep down I knew it wasn’t the case. We were perfect on the surface but in all actuality we were two individuals with completely different ideologies, full of insecurities that we would only partially admit to one another. We went along with two separate agendas, concealing what we truly felt on the inside, as if demonstrating a filtered version of ourselves was the only way we can truly be loved by the other, and that if we kept it up long enough we could convince each other that it was real, and that we couldn’t possibly do better. Of course it wasn’t going to work, a relationship seriously lacking in maturity “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves” Romans 12: 9-10.
When I finally built the courage to leave, I discovered something tremendous about myself; I had a lot of growing to do spiritually, emotionally, and vocationally. And that the qualities I wanted in a partner were not what I needed. All along that was my intuition that was pulling me at the beginning, but I chose not to follow. Instead, I forced myself to believe that it was the only thing my life was missing, that “fulfillment” that only a relationship can bring no matter how unfit he was for me, “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” Song of Songs 2:7.
Heartbreak has the ability to do more than just feel like an open wound that can’t seem to heal quickly enough, but it forces you to take a hard look in the mirror asking yourself the tough questions. Making you focus on where to go next with your life, what matters, what doesn’t, what you will accept and what you will not. Singlehood is also a time to work on personal growth, developing into the person you want to become, and measuring up to the qualities and expectations you require out of a partner. And if you truly take the time to properly heal, you’ll learn from the previous failed relationships and hopefully be led to the person God intended for you. So contrary to popular belief, being single does not mean “lonely” if perceived the right way, but a journey of self- realization, and learning to feel whole, because when the right person comes along you should be able to complement each other rather than being one another’s completion.
Since having been on this journey I can honestly say I know now what I need in a partner, where I want to be in my career, and most importantly focusing on my relationship in Christ. A friend once said “If Godliness can’t be reached thereby focusing on God and letting your joy be in him, then you can’t truly give whole heartedly through mutual affection to another” there’s such truth in that statement, and one I live by. Your relationship with Christ has to be so heavily embedded to a point where you’re okay even if someone never comes along. If they do GREAT! But you’ve got someone that supersedes any earthly man; Jesus “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness (2 Peter 1:3).
 

Daphney Marc is from Orlando, a graduate of the University of Central Florida , and works in education. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Sociology and a Graduate Certificate in Public Administration. She has served at her local children’s church ministry and taught in grade schools for over 10 yrs. She also has experience working as a Therapeutic Mentor for young women, and is a lifestyle blogger for her own personal brand BEFAKEFREE which promotes the importance of living a life of authenticity. She enjoys music, exercising, cooking, spending time with family and friends, and most of all living for God’s Glory.