Month: February 2015

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Step by Step Guide To Make This Her Greatest Valentine's Day Ever (Every Guy Should Read This ASAP)

Do you have to do anything special for your wife or girlfriend for Valentine’s Day to make her love you more?  Probably not, but why is the kind of Valentine’s Day that 95% of Americans do for their girl good enough for you?
I’m not writing to average men.
I’m writing to Godly men that are trying to be better than they were last year.
I know some people reject the commercialism of Valentine’s Day.  So don’t call it Valentine’s Day—and don’t settle for one day.  Think of it as your girl’s week. This is her week to be treated special.
Extra Special.
I’m going to give you some ideas that will potentially lead you deep into her heart.  I think it was Rose on Titanic that said that a women’s heart is a vast ocean.  Well, these thoughts are going to cause you to move deeper into the ocean of her heart.  You just might discover what you’ve never seen in her before.
This week begins on Monday and ends on Saturday.  Of course it would be great to continue this after that, but let’s focus on this week for now.
I know some guys will spend more time in a few weeks thinking through their NCAA tournament bracket than they do on romanticizing their wife.
Let’s not be those guys.
So, let’s get into the Valentine Week Ideas.
I have broken each day into 4 segments:
Text to send:  You will send her a text sometime during the day while you are away from each other.  Some days might have 2 texts to send.
Project:  This will take the most time, so decide to turn off the TV this week.  Instead, get to work on making this truly the best Valentine week ever.  Put your heart into it.
Blessing to share:  Your bride/girlfriend is the deep ocean that we discussed above.  She might be dealing with a lot of negativity, poisonous self-defeat, a difficult work life, etc. so this will be a time for you to pour fresh water into her soul.
Gentlemen Habit:  You may already do these habits.  If you don’t, then start forming these habits this week to honor her.
If you do even 30% of this, it will bless your lady in a special way.  Remember:  She is the flower in your life and you are the dirt.  We can nurture her life by pursuing her in a creative manner.
Monday
Text 1: I’ve made it my ambition this week to make this “insert your girl’s name” week.  Get ready for an incredible week.
Text 2: I’m so fortunate to have you as my best friend.
Project:  Order Monopoly now so you will get it by Wednesday. Yes, you may already own it, but you need a new one for this and it will be the best $12.99 you ever spend. Here is what you need to do:
Properties:  Rename all the properties.  Label them with all the different places you and your wife have lived or places you have you vacationed.  For example, I changed Boardwalk to Mackinac Island where my wife and I honeymooned.  Simply write the different places on paper and then cut them and tape them over top of the property spaces on the board.  When you play the game (later this week), each time one of you lands on the property, share a special memory from going to that place.
Chance Cards: You also need to rename some of the chance cards and instead name them Passion cards.  Write down your ideas on small pieces of paper and tape them to the side of the “passion” cards.  It could be questions you ask each other, attributes you like in the person, etc.
Community Chest: Rename these cards Love Chest.  These cards can mirror things on the cards already.  Just be creative with what you write so that the game continues to be eventful and fun.
This project will take around 2 hours to create if you hustle but will be a great experience to share with your sweetheart.  Don’t hesitate, order it right now.
Blessing to Share:  Do this before she goes to bed. The Lord bless you and keep you.  The Lord cause His face to shine upon and be gracious to you.
Gentlemen Habit:  Open the car door for her every time you are out with her.  When you leave the house, leave the restaurant, pick up the kids from practice, etc.  If a doormen at a hotel can do it for your wife, then we can for our wives too.
Tuesday
Text: I feel like every day with you is Thanksgiving because of how thankful I am for who you are.
Project:  Today’s project is couch time.  Sit on the couch together and catch up on what is going on with her.  You turn off your cell phone, turn off the TV, and gaze into her eyes.  This can also be done at a coffee shop, etc.  If you need some inspiration, these questions here could be of help (I will add a link here).
Blessing to Share: This is a good day to write her a poem.  Take 15 minutes out of your lunch time to write this out.  It doesn’t matter if you haven’t done this in years. This week isn’t about you anyway, so write from the heart and she will see that in your words.
Gentlemen Habit: Use manners frequently today.  Say thank-you, excuse me, & let her sit down at the table first—pull her chair out for her.  You don’t have to be at a fancy restaurant to go the extra mile.
Wednesday
Text:  I am so glad our kids have you as their role model for what a women should be.  I’m so blessed to have you in my life.
Project: If you have kids, tell her that you want her to go shopping, go to the coffee shop, etc. while you watch the kids.  Tell her to take 2 or 3 hours and enjoy herself.  If you don’t have kids, tell her to do the same thing, and you stay back and clean, clean, clean.
Blessing to Share: If you have kids, put a chair in the middle of the room and have all of the kids and you say at least 3 things why you are thankful for her.  If you have no kids, you can do the same thing.
Gentlemen Habit: Take her car to the gas station and fill it up for her.  Leave a note on her steering wheel that says, “I know you can fill up the tank yourself, but thank you for allowing me to do little things like this for you.”
Thursday
Text: I’m staring at your picture in my office and so thankful for your eyes of love looking back at me.
Project:  Tonight is the night to work on your “Romanticopoly” game.  Look at Monday’s explanation for details.
Blessing to Share: This would be a good night to declare your love on fb for your girl.  If you don’t have Facebook, go to your myspace.com and write a post about herJ
Gentlemen Habit: Be on time.  Start making it a habit to be on time so that you show you respect her time.
Friday
Text: Tomorrow is going to be a great day.  Great food, Great Experience, & a Great date with you.
Project:  You need to continue working on your “Romanticopoly.”  If you feel comfortable in the kitchen, you can also make her favorite entrée from her favorite restaurant in your kitchen.  Go to www.copykat.com for the recipe.
Blessing to Share: Send an email to her parents describing what a wonderful woman they raised and how you are focusing on loving her more than ever.
Gentlemen Habit: Make the bed today.  Put away your toothbrush, toothpaste, and clean up your hairs from shaving.  Put down the toilet seat more consistently.
Saturday
Text:  Today is just a normal day.  Another normal day of being with you.  I love normal!
Project:  Decide what time you are going to eat and what time you are going to play Romanticopoly.  I would suggest you plan on playing the game for at least an hour, maybe 2.  Yes, you can play the game to win, but the heart of this game is to reminisce about all of the memories you have as you land on the renamed properties and to enjoy the creative “passion” and “love chest” cards you created.
Blessing to Share: Prepare a top 10 list of the reasons you love her.  Share these during your meal.
Gentlemen Habit: Look in her eyes when she is talking and make sure you are competent in the skill of active listening.
As with all ideas, tweak, scrap, change, and modify for your situation.
What One Can Do, Another Man Can Do!
Who’s in for creating a great week for our beauties?

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Single Ladies Save Your Future Marriage!!!!!!!!

As I watched the movie “Addicted” this past weekend, I was brought to tears. Exactly how did a movie based on a popular erotic novel written in 1997 bring me to tears? Here’s how:
(Spoiler Alert)
Addicted is about a woman who has it all. She has a husband, two children, her own company and makes a good living. In search for sexual fulfillment, she begins to have an affair with not one, but two men. Finally ready to break it off with them both, she arranges a “meeting” to break up with them. Leaving her cell phone at home, her husband follows her and ends up saving her life when one of them turns into a psycho. Faced with the possibility of losing her husband, she attempts to face her painful past. Finally, it is revealed that three boys rapped her at the age of 10! Faced with the possibility of losing her family, she joins a Sex Addicts group.
According to the CDC, nearly 1 and 5 women are/will be a victim of sexual abuse in her lifetime, 40 percent of which will never seek professional help. 40% percent of which will walk around with this secret hunting them for the rest of their lives, seeking comfort in various ways. Some suppress the daunting memory, while others utilize multiple defense mechanisms. The truth about defense mechanisms, they don’t completely defend. They are simply ways to cover up the issue, which seem to leak out at some point or another. Before you know it, you have these habits and ways of thinking that “came from nowhere”. The unfortunate truth is, they will go nowhere until they are properly dealt with.
As a mental health professional, I understand the importance of dealing with issues of the past. As a Christian, I understand the enemy will take a “cracked door” and open it as wide as he’s allowed. Merging both together, leaving the past undealt with keeps the door wide open for the enemy to have his way, eventually crippling your future. Before you know it, you’re in a place where you never thought you’d be with people you never thought you’d be with.
Now, some people think marrying someone will cure the hurt, and ultimately make you forget about your daunting past. Is it possible? Yes Is it likely? NO. When something stinks you can mask it with air freshener; but if you don’t throw away the trash, it isn’t be long before the house sticks again. The same is true about marriage and a horrible past.
Marriage wont cure an abusive experience, it won’t heal the wounds left by an absent father, nor will it make life perfect. There are only three things that can save your marriage before it even happens 1. Jesus Christ, 2. You, and 3. Therapy/wise counsel. While you are yet single, deal with your past now. Don’t wait!
By the end of the movie, Zoe brought her family, 2 men, and her company’s employees into a web of hurt, creating even more hurt for her. I cant help but wonder how the ending would have been if she had dealt with the hurt of her past sooner. Don’t make the mistake Zoe made, protect your future marriage by dealing with the past now.
Proverbs 11:14Amplified Bible (AMP)
14 Where no wise guidance is, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.
XOXO,
Shannon C Colar
“A Leading Lady”

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Engaged Marriage

The One Need a Christian Wife Needs from Her Husband

There are many expectations that come along with being considered a Christian and a husband. When you consider yourself a Christian then you’re saying that you are a follower of Christ, and that your life is no longer yours, but lived fully for Him. Now, combine that with husband and now you’re saying you’re a Christ following husband that desires to love his wife as Christ has loved her and you.
 
No man falls in love, proposes, goes through the process of planning a wedding, and then steps up to the altar to commit to one woman for the rest of his life; with the thought of failing her down the road. Failure is not in most men’s vocabulary because we were created to succeed. But, sometimes failure is necessary in order to see the ramifications of our actions.
 
When I got married, I vowed to love my wife as Christ loved her, and to die to my desires in order to please her. I have upheld most of the expectations that is expected of a Christian husband. Go to church regularly, provide financially, protect relentlessly, and love her unconditionally. Doesn’t that sound like a good man to you?
But, there is one thing that is missing that I myself have failed to do on a consistent basis that I know my family needs me to do or else I become a stumbling block to them.
 
I have failed my wife in not leading her spiritually by having a consistent time for us to spend time with God together at home.
It is a great thing to go to church together, but it gets even better when you have church together in your home. I have recognized we have allowed the busyness of life to overtake those precious moments that literally affect the spiritual intimacy and health of our marriage.
Your wife needs you not only to be the provider and protector, but also her pastor.
As her pastor you lead your family spiritually by example and are guardians of their soul.  This can have the greatest impact upon their lives.
There are many ways this can be accomplished whether it be through reading a devotional together, praying and reading the bible together, encouraging one another, or having spiritual date nights.
It is our relationship with God that sets the tone for everything else we do as a couple.
The bible says in Ephesians 5:25-28, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
 
Husbands you play a major role in your wife’s growth in her relationship with God. She needs you to grow in your relationship with Christ in order for you to be able to lead her and your children closer to Him.
This doesn’t mean you have to know more, but simply have vision to see your family become everything God has destined them to be.
I now understand the role that is necessary for a husband to carry out can be challenging, but I also recognize God has provided ways to help us.  You may not know what scriptures to read together, or what questions to ask to have a meaningful conversation.
 This is why my wife and I joined together with our writing team to write a devotional to help ourselves and other couples do the one thing that matters most for your marriage.  
This devotional has 42 days worth of opportunities to connect with your spouse and connect with God.
We’ve already had many couples talk about how the devotional is changing the way they communicate, and helping them talk about things they’ve never talked about. It is our prayer that every couple that desire a better spiritual connection with God together would purchase this devotional.
If you’re dating, engaged, or married this devotional is perfect for your relationship.
Our Time With God: A 42 Day Devotional for Couples.
Don’t delay in having this great tool for your marriage. Whether you are a wife reading this or a husband, you can grab it now to start having quality time with your spouse and God.

Click here to learn more about the book! 

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Buy the book right now by clicking here.

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I Don’t Want My Future Husband to Love Me More than Anything or Anyone Else…

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Finances

How Multiple Accounts Can Help Your Financial Progress

The excitement of the New Year has come and gone, and now you’re ready to see progress on all of the awesome goals you set for the year.
The two of you do everything you’re supposed to. You agree to focus on one goal at a time, you set an amount, a deadline, and you both make “per paycheck” commitments. But as the paychecks come, you just can’t seem to find the money you promised to set aside. Or maybe unexpected cost increases (like gas/utilities) or emergencies (like car maintenance) are making that financial goal feel impossible!
It’s so important to see progress, so that you don’t give up in the middle of your goals. We may not be able to increase our income (yet!), but we can do more with what we have. We can’t stop the unexpected from happening, but we can prepare ourselves so that when it does, we can bounce back.
My husband and I organize our money using multiple accounts. Not only has it made it easier to see progress in our finances, but we can quickly recognize where we need to adjust when the unexpected happens.
Here’s what we do and how it helps.

We organize our day-to-day spending with 2 accounts: bills & “fun” money

Most couples’ day-to-day spend can be bucketed into 3 major categories: bills, necessities, and “fun.” It’s so critical to know how much you spend on each, so that you know where to cut back to feed your financial goals (read more about these spending categories).
But after doing the work to track your spending in each area, you don’t want to throw it all away by having your bills/necessities and fun money in one account.
Can you imagine always having to remember how much of your total balance is for bills/necessities and how much is for fun? It sounds tough and usually doesn’t work. We end up spending bill money on fun items, or vice versa. Of course bills and necessities will always come before fun, but the beauty in separating the two is that it becomes obvious when a bill increases. So even though you may have to cut into your fun money this month, you can better dictate how to adjust for next month (e.g. less fun stuff).

We have individual accounts, for individual spending

I can feel everyone tense up already 🙂 . A married couple with separate accounts? Call the church police! Okay, I’m dramatic. But in all seriousness, I do believe it is important to have money as individuals, because there are things you still spend on as an individual, even when you’re married. There are many who take “becoming one” very literally, but what is most important is that you are one spiritually. When it comes to money, it is more important that you are one with your financial goals, than to simply merge all of your money into one account. Unorganized money is money not doing what you need it to.
The hubby and I went the route of keeping our individual accounts. So each month the majority of our money goes toward our joint accounts (our joint bill and spending accounts are our primary accounts), but our “individual allowance” is left in our individual accounts. We’re still open and honest about our individual accounts. It’s just another way to organize our money.
If having individual accounts isn’t your thing, you can try withdrawing your personal allowance as cash and using Dave Ramsey’s envelop method. I personal find it difficult to track your spending with cash, but you have to do what works for you. Remember we’re organizing our money so that we’re not spending on what we didn’t plan to. I don’t want to overspend on myself, and have it cut into our family goals. I’m all about seeing progress on the plans that we have for our money.

We organize our savings into categories: for example, emergency and travel

Capital One has been awesome with our savings account because they allow us to have multiple categories. So although we have one account, we can contribute to our emergency fund separately from our travel fund. Similar to our bills and fun money, we do this so that we’re not, for example, traveling with our emergency money. Your categories may be different based on your goals, but separating them will make planning (and seeing progress) much easier.
To sum up my tips: know where you spend. Know where you want to spend, and organize your money in a way that will help you get there. These habits will help you see greater progress in 2015. They will also force you to plan ahead and think about those major expenses you expect throughout the year. This leaves you in a better position when emergencies arise. Remember, the goal is make it easy to see progress and to know how to adjust when the unexpected happens.