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In our Bible-college days in Dallas, TX, we had established a routine. We would come home for lunch, make a sandwich, assemble the TV trays, and watch LOST, just before heading out the door to work.

 

About two months into this continuous regimen, I sensed an uneasiness — as if the “check engine light” of our marriage was illuminated. I felt as though there was something between my wife and I, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I shut the laptop.

 

“Sarah, how are things between us? I think we need to ‘pop the hood’ on our marriage. Right now.”

 

She stopped chewing her sandwich and stared at me. Immediately, the floodgates of my wife’s soul opened! Unspoken words were spoken, unvoiced frustrations found their voice, and finally, intimacy and adoration shone in her eyes. I had shown her that I care. I may be dense at times, but at least I care and I notice when the “check engine light” gleams.

 

Marriage requires awareness. Hardened hearts can dull awareness. Continual disregard of the needs of your spouse leads to marital decay.

 

These are three, often unspoken, difficulties of marriage — and ways to manage them:

 

Difficulty #1: Marriage is high-maintenance. When we consider something to be high-maintenance, we imagine something or someone that is annoying, draining, or more trouble than it’s worth. However, just because something can’t self-sustain or self-repair doesn’t make it useless or bothersome.

It simply means that with attention and care, it will thrive, produce results, and even bring joy. Likewise, marriage requires care and attention. Marriage requires continual sacrifice, interest and self-investment. At the end of every day, your marriage is still there. And this covenant is not going to honor itself.

 

Maintenance tip: “Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds…” Proverbs 27:23

Know your spouse. What was the most significant event of your spouse’s week? What does your marriage look like when it is healthy? Do you know how it looks when it is unhealthy? Safeguard your time and prioritize your marriage to the top of your list. Simply and practically: go on dates often.

 

Difficulty #2: My wife is high-maintenance. We’re not roommates, we’re husband and wife! Will doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, and taking out the trash fulfill my wife in and of themselves? Absolutely not.

 

Maintenance tip: Evaluate your routines. Make “talking time” a routine. I once read of a man who put an armchair next to his wife’s side of the bed. He carved out his evenings to listen to his wife and share his own thoughts, concerns, affirming words, etc.

 

Difficulty #3. I am high-maintenance. I’m not always the easiest guy to live with, sadly. (Can men get mood swings?) Discouragement strikes, leaving me dry. Work-related stress depletes me, leaving my family lacking in receiving the love that naturally (or supernaturally!) abounds from my relationship with Christ.

 

Maintenance tip: Abide in Christ (Jn. 15:4). An abiding relationship in closeness to the Lord connects us to the love of God, and through this unearthly, undiluted love, we become overflowing streams (Jn. 7:38) to refresh others. The only hope I have in becoming a better a husband is the hope that all men have: Jesus.

 

Marriage is high-maintenance. I can’t neglect my spouse for a month and expect smooth-sailing. I am learning to anticipate the needs of my wife and discern when rough waters are on the horizon. Thank God for course correction!

 

Do you “pop the hood” on a regular basis?

 

Attention Newlyweds and New Home Owners!
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I have composed a list of items that I believe any person who wants to decorate their home will need. Now there are many more items that could be on this list but I wanted to keep it simple for the newbies.
 Click this link to download it Now!
DIY New Homeowner’s Toolkit Document
 
 

The movers dropped all of our earthly possessions on the pavement. Having never seen the layout of the building, we miscalculated the distance to our new apartment by 100 feet. We were in the process of moving to Peoria, Illinois from Miami, Florida (a major transition for us). My husband accepted a position with a new company only a few weeks prior, and he did not know any of his colleagues on a personal level yet.
With no one to call and unable to pay the extra hundreds of dollars it would have cost to get the furniture upstairs, he took off his shirt and started to move the furniture into the apartment. On his own, he carried our 3-bedroom house up three flights of stairs. I was in Miami at the time and felt awful and powerless when he told me.
That evening, I thanked God for the man I married and prayed for his physical and mental strength. I’m not sure I have been more thankful for him being a fitness professional than that night. I do not recall everything I told him when we spoke but I remember trying very hard to be encouraging. I was unable to be present in the flesh and my words were all that I had.
I wanted to believe that my words were sufficient to encourage him. I thought of him all night while seating in the middle of my own emptiness. I mean that literally. The furniture he received came from the house we had just packed with the help of our families. With our eight-month old, I sat in the middle of our empty walls hanging on to the knowledge that this period will soon end and that before long, we would be on a flight to Illinois to join him. In spite of what was going on with me, the only concern I had was for him.
Was he fine? Was he hurt? Was he lonely? How was he holding up? The scenarios may change but the sentiments remain the same for other Christ-centered couples. You feel the full weight of the things your spouse goes through.
In marriage, we are constantly learning to love another person immensely and intently. The love that we share with our spouse is unlike that of any other relationship. I often think of the command to become one as both present and present continuous.
When God performed the first marriage between Adam and Eve, He decreed that a husband and wife are “united into one” (Genesis 2:24). While we unite in marriage on our wedding day, we must live the commitment of our relationship every day. With our choices, we continue to unite. We bear each other’s pains and sorrows, and we experience one another’s joys.
My husband’s good news is mine as well. Not only because I partake of the benefits of his success but because I am genuinely interested in his betterment and joy as well. As he grows, I grow. When he increases in the likeness of Christ, I reap the benefits of a husband who loves me, prays for me, disciples me and watches over my soul.
As he grows in his profession and becomes a more productive member of our society, I experience tremendous joy knowing that he is serving God, others and our family with his faculties. He brings good repute to me and I celebrate his success as I do my own, because I have traded the pleasures of “own” for the sweet gratification of “one”.
In the same way, when he struggles in an area of life or of discipleship, it hurts me all the same. This deep affection and connection is an element of the intimacy of marriage. Two becoming one not only denotes the physical connection that takes place or the legal contract that binds us, but more significantly it signifies the reassembling of two lives to become one over and over. Our commitment is to be unified for as long as we both should live.
In the months following our move, we found ourselves needing to encourage each other in our circumstances repeatedly. Living away from our comforts and the familiar faces of our friends and family turned us to God and each other.
While we made every effort to maintain our connections with the outside world, much of our support came from within our walls. We found that this period of our marriage ushered us into a more open and honest relationship with each other. It was a year of tremendous growth for our marriage as a result.
We continue to grow closer to one another, through joy and sadness, arguments and reconciliation, working out our salvation and upholding our marital covenant, for we are devoted to becoming one until death does us part.
What experiences have helped you to grow closer to husband/wife? 

This was a Guest Featured Post by: Fleurztael Duckworth | www.ourlittlepond.com
Hi! I’m a Christian wife and mother of two young boys making every effort to live life according to God’s Word. Our family lives intentionally each day to please God, love others and each other. My husband and I were married 9 years ago, and we have seen God’s marveling Hand at work in our marriage.
While I hold an advanced degree with a focus in Conflict Resolution, the biggest helpers to loving others have been the Word of God, my husband and children. The latter remind me to be patient, loving, gentle and giving. It has been a beautiful blessing to be a part of God’s family, and in turn be a wife and mother of influence within my own home. I write some of my reflections of our lives and what I am learning as we grow day by day. I invite you into my journey and hope to join yours.