Once the honeymoon stage is over, the human, flawed version of your significant other will begin to show. After looking back at arguments my husband and I had in the first year of our marriage, I began to notice some recurring roots and how they inhibited us from resolving quickly. Disagreements are going to happen, that’s a given – what matters is how you respond to them. Here are some common hindrances that are keeping you from managing conflict in a healthy way.
1. Stubbornness
Stubbornness at its core is a pride issue. When responding with stubbornness in an argument, it is often a resistance to change and a struggle of idolizing your way or your opinion. The key to overcoming stubbornness in conflict is a healthy dose of compromise. You cannot expect your significant other to change all their habits and ways to match yours – it is unrealistic! You are two different people. Be willing to listen to what they have to say.
2. Selfishness
Want to know how selfish you are? Get married. When you join your life with another person you begin to see how you have to make sacrifices for the health and growth of your relationship or the betterment of your family. It can be challenging when you have another person to take into consideration for all your decisions, and it is also impacted by the consequences of your actions.
Is not getting your way worth sitting in different rooms or enduring a long, silent car ride for hours not talking to each other? Act like an adult, own up to your mistakes, take the blame, and say sorry. Decide how you are going to move forward and prevent the situation from happening again.
3. Lack of Communication/Miscommunication
Many of times I have found that the fight was started either because something was communicated/received in a way other than intended, or there was no communication, leading to a vast array of potential outcomes. One of the best lessons you will ever learn: your spouse is not a mind reader! If you want help, ask! You can’t get upset with your significant other if they had no reason to think, act, or respond otherwise. Often times women want men to “just know” that they need help with the dishes after dinner, or the laundry left over in the dryer. Men function better with direct communication instead of beating around the bush in hopes that they just “get it”.
If an argument is due to communication, acknowledge where the gap occurred, and develop a plan to avoid it in the future. There is no need to place fault on either party (communication is a two way street – the talker and the receiver). Just learn from it and move forward.
And just in case you do find yourself in a quarrel with your partner, make some non-negotiables. Here are some healthy boundaries my husband and I have in place for our marriage.
- Never go to bed angry or sleep in separate beds as a result of an argument.
- Don’t involve other parties in the argument unless they are a mentor and are helping you work through it.
- Never talk negatively about each other.
- Don’t ever throw out the D-word (divorce).
- Don’t hang up the phone or walk out/leave the house out of anger.
Just know, arguments are NORMAL. Take them as an opportunity to grow as a couple, and prosper a healthy relationship.
Anyone else notice patterns in their relationship?
What helps you and your spouse work through the heat of an argument?
2 replies on “3 Character Flaws That Are Causing Your Relationship Struggles”
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