Pursuing and accomplishing individual dreams and goals while also maintaining a healthy marriage can seem a daunting task. Before you let resentment and disappointment get the better of you, remember that God designed us to flourish in a marriage covenant, both jointly and as a unique creation. Here are some key strategies to adopt that will put you on the road to success in this area.
1. Put Your Marriage First
No matter how lofty your aspirations are and what kind of effort it takes to reach those heights, the person sitting across from you should never play second fiddle. God created marriage as a picture of how Jesus relates to his people, and stewarding that is the ultimate priority.
It is an orphan and fear based mentality that says you have do something, be something, or get something for yourself before you can commit fully to others. The Word instructs wives to submit and honor their husbands, and husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Guys, if you think you got the better end of the deal there, think again…Christ loved the church so much that he gave his life for them, so while your wife must simply submit, you have to die.)
2. Communicate Clearly
A lot of marital problems could be easily resolved if we would just talk to each other. Mind reading is not a gift of the Holy Spirit and we can’t assume, with all that goes on in life, that our spouse is perfect enough to retain every detail of your hopes and dreams. It is a constant conversation that needs to happen as seasons and situations change.
If you feel resentment building because your spouse is unsupportive or unaware of your goals, then sit down and remind them what you are passionate about. We have not because we ask not, right?
3. Validate Your Spouse
Their are a lot of times when one partner’s dreams seem so much “greater” than the others. Husband is going through law school and wife wants to be a stay at home mom. Wife wants to pursue an acting career and husband wants to coach little league.
No matter how big or small the dream, they are all “great” in the heart of the person who dreams them. You must intentionally and proactively validate what beats in your spouse’s heart. Encourage them regularly and make it known that what is important to them is important to you.
4. Come Up With A Game Plan
All of the communication and encouragement in the world means nothing if there is no action. First of all pray and listen to the Holy Spirit. He is there to guide you with heavenly wisdom so don’t ignore that valuable asset.
Pull out the schedules and the budgets and see what resources are available to you. Intentionally work out how much time, money, and energy will be spent on goals, both individual and joint. If it is a season for one of you to take the spotlight then don’t be afraid to put more toward that goal. Create clear short term and long term goals, including strict deadlines, to keep yourselves on track.
It is said that two heads are better than one so we need to start seeing marriage as instrumental and not detrimental to the fulfilling of our dreams and desires. You are a dynamic duo, so don’t let the enemy steal what God has meant for good. Stay open, stay focused, and stand united under Christ’s love and allow God to do as He promised, to give you above and beyond all you could ask or imagine.