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Ask Dr. Faith | 7 Ways to Discern if they are "The One"

Many singles wonder how they will know when they have finally found “the one.” Before I was married, folks would say “you will just know.”
That’s true, but there are some other great things that will help you know that someone is “the one.” I have listed them below:We know that the kingdom of God is righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. These are the first things you want to look for when gauging if someone is the one.
1. Righteousness
“The one” will inspire you to walk upright, to become better, and to love God more. He or she will help you choose righteousness and goodness in all you do.
2. Peace

You will observe peace in the process, not just within yourself, but with those who are around you. It is normal to be a little anxious about “the one” finally being there, but the underlining theme of the process should be peace.
If there is extreme confusion, unrest, anxiety and frustration, then you need to reexamine the relationship and the situation.
3. Joy
Courtship should be joyous, not just for you but for everyone around you as well. Most of my prayers when my husband and I started courting were of thankfulness.
I could not believe he was finally here. Courtship and marriage are joyous things. If you are experiencing sadness, constant fighting and bickering, and unrest, then they might not be “the one.”
4. Core Values
They share your core values. If you have read any of my articles you know I talk about having just 5 to 7 core values. For example, they love God, are hardworking, trustworthy and kind.  Look to see if they meet your important nonnegotiable core values.
5. They are willing to fight for you
In a relationship there will be moments when one is more passionate than the other, or more excited than the other. Both people should have a fight in them to believe what God has said and to work for it. If they are willing to fight for you and not give up when you want to give up they may be “the one.”
6. You have some external confirmations
Heed what people are saying, especially the ones who are important to you. Look at their words, the word of God, and the prophetic words over your life.
If the person and situation are lining up with these words beings spoken over your life, they might be “the one.”

7. The knowing
Married people always tell you that you will “just know,” and it is true! There is just something magical when the time and the person is right.
It seems like everything falls in line and falls into place. Yes you may have to work on some things, but you are at least 90 percent sure most of the time that this person is “the one.”

246 replies on “Ask Dr. Faith | 7 Ways to Discern if they are "The One"”

These are great practical insights into any dating relationships, I agree. The phrase “the one” is not scriptural though & the way that our culture (Dinsey, romantic comedies etc.) portrays “finding the one” isn’t healthy. Even some Christian circles teach that there is only one person who you should marry, “the one”. Paul writes in 1 Cor. 7:39 that a woman is free to marry whomever she wishes, as long as he belongs to the Lord. So you pick “the one”, if you want to use the phrase. Jesus should no doubt be at the center of a believer’s choice in marriage, leading and guiding, and even in the mysterious tension between free will and sovereign grace God knows and has ordained all things including the person you marry, but the person who you marry is your choice.

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