The Husband And Wife's Role in a Godly Marriage

Guest Writer: Marymagdaline Onyango
Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her.”
 
We’ve seen and heard this verse time and time again, but what does living it out daily truly look like? In order to understand what that looks like, we must first define the roles we each have as men and women in a marital relationship. I think this is something that many of us struggle with. Especially when we live in a society that constantly tells us that being a “twenty-something” is all about jumping around and experiencing it all, rather than focusing on and being disciplined in who God has created us to be as individuals and as relational people.
 
“Husbands, love your wives.”  Understanding the first part of this verse is key to comprehending the role of a man in marriage. The verse doesn’t say husbands treat your wife like property, or husbands you are the dictator. It specifically says love. “Love your wives.” Loving your wife means teaching your wife, guiding your wife, protecting your wife, treasuring your wife and also confiding in and trusting in your wife.
 
“…just as Christ loves the church.” When loving in this way, the husband gives up himself to the love of his wife, just as Christ gave himself up. This means loving your wife as part of yourself, not apart from oneself. This is SO powerful. Think about all the ways Christ gave himself up for the church, for us, dying on the cross for our sins. Think of how painful that was, and he endured it just so that we could live and live abundantly. Husband, loving your wife is not always easy; it comes with a lot of responsibility.  It may sometimes be painful, but the role is powerful and can be truly rewarding and beautiful. Honoring your wife and loving her is the greatest gift you can give to yourself, to Christ, and her.
 
Now, as women, many times we read this verse and think, “oh, see,he’s GOT to love me the right way, or else I don’t have to put in the work!! It says it right here, Husbands LOVE your wives, not the other way around!!” What we are forgetting, is that  little verse that comes before the husbands command  that says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your OWN husbands as you do to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22) i.e. not submitting to anyone else’s husband, your mom,  dad, friends or brother, but your OWN husband.
 
As women, our role is so important, and is one of the toughest jobs in a relationship. It is what keeps the relationship going. Submission is more than being a “yes girl,” it’s having the strength to listen to your husband and guide him, even when you want to jump ahead of him. It’s bigger than your feelings, or who you think you are, or what you think you are not going to be and do. It’s about honoring God and trusting in the God in your husband enough to submit to him. It is truly the essence of what it means to be your husband’s help-mate.
 
Ephesians gives us the perfect guide in how to daily contribute to a healthy and successful marriage. But, we can’t reap what we don’t sow. I encourage you today, husband, to sow love and self-sacrifice into your marriage. And, I encourage you today, wives, to sow submission, obedience, and support into your marriage.
 
About: Marymagdaline Onyango
Born and raised in Virginia, with deep Kenyan roots, Marymagdaline has always considered herself a lover of two homes, one in East Africa and the other in Virginia. A recent graduate from the University of Virginia with a Bachelors of Arts in African and African American Studies and Foreign Affairs with an African Concentration, she now lives in the Washington, DC area working in the non-profit sector.
She has a passion for young women and girls and has traveled to Trinidad, Australia, Dominican Republic, Kenya, India, and Europe to volunteer and connect with women across the globe. Since graduation her heart was convicted by the Lord to start her blog www.prayactthink.com to help and minister to young women through her life experiences and the word of the Lord. She met her now Fiancé a few years ago, right when God knew she needed him the most, and will soon be married. They both love to guide and mentor others to help them fulfill their God-led purpose.