June 2017 – Page 2 – d1894e3047.nxcli.net

I use to be ashamed of my past experiences – afraid of judgment. It wasn’t until a few years ago that God revealed to me that it was okay to share my story and not be afraid of people’s opinions. I can honestly say, that I felt freedom in Christ to know that I didn’t have to hide who I was. My past gave me a story to glorify my heavenly Father and to break chains of bondage.
While single I would share my testimony with others about how I had overcome many obstacles in my past. But when I started dating my now husband, I wondered would this man be able to accept my past, my right now and my future.
I already had 3 children by different fathers. I was hoping that we would be able to avoid this conversation. I just knew that once he found out that I was woman that had 3 children by different fathers that he would leave. He didn’t have any children, so I kept thinking, “Why would he want me?”
One day he brought it up while we were on the phone, “Tell me about the children’s fathers.” I choked up and instantly became afraid to share. I was wondering, “How did he figure it out?” I guess it wasn’t difficult because my children always introduced themselves with their first and last name.
I managed to get through the conversation by talking about each parent. Even though our co-parenting relationships weren’t the best, I spoke the truth without bashing the other parent. After I pushed through sharing, I just broke down.
He heard the quiver in my voice and said he was on the way to my house. I immediately braced myself for the break up. He arrived, greeted me, and then went straight to the kitchen and started to clean out the refrigerator. I was completely confused. He then sat me down on the couch and said, “I’m not going anywhere. I just wanted to know where I needed to step up in the children’s lives. I love you and I love those kids.”
Mind blown at this statement, I realized that I had met the man of my prayers. I would’ve never said “I do” if I couldn’t be completely naked with my husband. I had to be with someone that I could be open and honest with about my past. I refused to live in shame. As long as I watered down my past experiences, I would continue to live in bondage.
Marry the person that you can by completely naked with in your marriage. That person will never use what you share against you, but will love you even more. They will see you the way that Christ sees you – courageous, bold, strong, an over-comer, and a game changer. I love that I am able to be naked in my marriage. If I am naked, I am authentic; if I am authentic; I am able to fulfill my destiny,and be unashamed of my story.

4 Tips to Have Money Conversations In Marriage

Trying to take control of your money but have having a hard time getting your spouse on board?
Do you find it awkward or uncomfortable when you try to discuss the state of your finances?
Does money often cause arguments in your relationship?
Looking to change the future of your finances but need a little help getting the conversation going?
It’s difficult when you find yourself in any of the above situations, but fear not! We are here to help. Try some of these quick tips below:
1. Ask your spouse – What are some of your short term and long term goals/dreams?
This question will allow them to open up about where they want to go, and it will help cultivate conversation on how the two of you plan to get there.
2. Dedicate a regular time you both can agree that will be set aside to talk about finances.
The frequency will depend on your needs as a couple, but setting up a time to talk regularly allows each spouse to mentally prepare for the conversation and come up with different points they may want to discuss on the matter.
3. Total up all your debts, assets, current cash flow and look at your monthly expenses. Start crunching some numbers to get a better status of your current financial situation. You can look at:

What does 6 months of expenses look like?

This was EXTREMELY eye opening to us. With money flowing in and out of our account on a monthly basis, we didn’t realize how much it takes to maintain our lifestyle.

What are our average utility bills? Have any of our bills gone up?

This will help you be more aware of your costs and keep from being overcharged. If you are not careful, your bills may start going up once a promotion has ended and you are signed up for a service you did not want to pay for. Don’t be taken advantage of because of ignorance.

What expenses are we paying for on a monthly basis that we can do without?

This can be tricky – one spouse may feel something is worth paying for while the other does not. This is not meant to start more arguments, but to discuss expenses that you both feel are non-negotiable, and others that are more luxurious to put things in perspective for both of you.
4. Create a pros & cons list regarding your financial goals.
Show your spouse the benefits, but ask them for their thoughts and opinions. Allow them to have a voice, and be willing to compromise so you both are happy. If these are goals you both want to achieve, it will be much easier to make progress.

Remember: these are just tips to get the conversation going, not necessarily solutions. Like anything else, the more you do it, the easier it will get. Money doesn’t have to be an argumentative topic if you train it to be positive, and treat it like a resource to grab the future you are looking for.