Month: February 2014

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Marriage

The Devil's Plan for Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is one of the major days of the year when the enemy seeks to control the emotions of the unmarried. During this time we see unGodly spirits of loneliness, depression, isolation, comparison, rejection and doubt manifesting in full effect. Women are typically more affected by not having a man/husband in their life more than men are affected by not having a woman/wife. However, both men and women are often greatly affected during this time. So, why are unmarried believers so negatively affected by Valentine’s day or the real issue of not having a valentine/companion?
 
It is the plan of hell to get unmarried men and women to fall into the trap of believing the lies that they are alone, unworthy of love, hopeless and forgotten because they are not in a relationship. However, God’s truth is that whether you are unmarried, engaged or married, you are loved unconditionally by the creator of love! It is offensive to God to focus more on the small and little things that you don’t have at this point in your life than to receive and embrace his love for you! You were never created to be defined by your relationship status or to allow it to determine your happiness. If you find it difficult to enjoy life and to be happy now while you are unmarried, what is the likelihood a man or woman will succeed in making you happy? Your happiness should be in Christ Jesus on Valentine’s Day and every other day! He is deeply in love with you and longs for you to love him more than anything in this world.
 
To the unmarried I encourage you to rest in knowing God has not forgotten about you. His timing and will for your life is perfect. Trust that he knows what is best for you and in due season he will grant you the desires of your heart that are in alignment with his purpose for you. While you wait remember, you are the apple of God’s eye and your life is so significant and valuable to him (“You are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you” Isaiah 43:4). I challenge you to close the door to every accusation of the enemy that desires to provoke you to feel sad, alone, unloved and depressed. You may not have a mate right now but you have a life to enjoy and love of Jesus Christ! He is right there with you and will never leave or forsake you!
 
Who says the unmarried can not celebrate and enjoy valentine’s day? The word of God tells us “This is the day which the LORD has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it (Psalm118:24). February 14th belongs to the Lord therefore we should all celebrate and rejoice in it! I encourage you to refuse to be counseled by the enemy this upcoming valentine’s day. Go out and have fun! Take your self to dinner and a movie. Most importantly embrace the true lover of your soul. Although flowers, cards and candy are all nice gestures, the love of God can not be compared to any materialistic thing. Choose to fall in love with Jesus this Valentines holiday!

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Home

For Men: 5 Crucial Keys to Stay Pure

1. Tame The Beast – God gave me a sex drive, but He also gave me earn money writing online power to control it. I will not let me body control me, but by the power of the Holy Spirit, I will control my body.

1 Corinthians 9:27 – But I discipline my body and bring it under my subjection, so that the day that I preach, I myself am not disqualified.

 

2. Cut Out The Crap – My calling, destiny and purity is way to costly to provide myself with any opportunities to fall into temptation.

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I will place a high value on my purity by eliminating those opportunities (on my phone, computer, television, etc) as well as choosing to renew my mind on God’s idea of sexuality and beauty.

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Romans 12:2 – Don’t be conformed to the ways of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind to God’s ways.

 

3. Put A Face Before The Porn – Whether I am a husband now or still don’t know the woman I am going to marry, I am going to put my (future or present) spouse before a temporary, sexual satisfaction. To fight this fight, I ask God to keep my heart fixed on the prize and to give me a revelation of how I can love her well by guarding my sexuality. What I do now sows into the future of my marriage.

Ephesians 5:25 – Husbands, love and cherish your wives just like Jesus loves and cherishes the Church. 

 

4. Defend The Red Zone – At all costs, I will defend my physical, emotional and spiritual red zones. In turn, I will also defend HER red zones by putting up physical, emotional and spiritual boundaries until I have committed to her with a covenant.

1 Corinthians 7:36-37 – If a man thinks that he is treating his woman-to-be improperly and will inevitably give in to his passion, let him marry her… it’s not a sin. But if he has decided not to marry or there is no urgency and he can CONTROL his passions, he does well in this. 

 

5. Join The Brotherhood – I recognize that God instituted us as “THE BODY” and that I cannot do this alone. I have surrounded myself with brothers who are fighting this fight with me and keep me accountable in my endeavors to guard my sexual purity. I know that God has FORGIVEN my sins, but to walk in HEALING and FREEDOM, I must expose my secrets to the light. There, they have no power.

James 5:16 – Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

Categories
Engaged Marriage

5 Types of Relationships You Need In Your Marriage

I am amazed at the number of couples that I meet that have no balance in their outside relationships.  Marriage itself is hard, and doing it alone makes it even harder.  Yes, at the end of the day the betterment of your marriage is between you and your spouse. But, there are many factors that can help you have a healthy marriage.  One of those factors is balanced relationships.  We were made for relationships.  From the Trinity, babies in their mother’s arms, to a group of women shopping it is clear that relationships aren’t just a desire, but a necessity.
 
After we got married, my wife, relocated to Chicago.  One of her top fears was who she was going to be friends with here. We’ve been so blessed with healthy relationships across the board.  We have couples and friends in our life that truly help us be better for one another.  Here’s a list from the relationships in our marriage that continue to provoke us towards marital oneness.
 
 
1. The More Experienced Couple
This is not older by age, but older by experience.  A great way to know they fit the criteria is whether you want your marriage to resemble theirs.  This couple most likely has children, and has successfully made it through many check points in their marriage.  Spend time with this couple whether it be at their home, or out to eat. With the couple in our life we have to schedule our time due to their busy schedule, but there is a mutual agreement between us that the relationship is necessary for us. Each time we end our time with them we go home more in love and more understanding of one another.
 
2. The Peer Couple
You will have many of these just because they are easy to come by.  The peer couple is your friends that are married, and you can relate with one another.  Natasha and I are beyond blessed to have a sufficient group of friends that got married around the same time we did.  Some live here in Chicago, but most live in other states.  Whether it’s a double date out on the town, or a face time session on the couch we make it a priority to spend quality time with our peer couples. I guarantee you we laugh the most with these groups of people.  Most of the laughs come from the similar stories we share that once had us either mad or confused, but once told its like a ticking bomb until someone says, “She/he did the SAME thing”.
 
3. The Friend
One of the first things my pastor told me before getting married was to allow Natasha to have girl friends that she can go have girl time with.  I didn’t really understand it, but man do I understand it now.  We preach and teach that your spouse is your best friend, which is truth all the way, but they shouldn’t be your only best friend.  You and your spouse need to have a same sex friend that is like a David to a Jonathan.  This is the friendship that you can be honest about things going on in your life and they have an outside perspective on it.  I’m not going to go to deep into this topic because I want to blog on this type of friendship by itself.
 
4. The Less Experienced Couple
 
Just like Paul had Timothy, you and your spouse should find a young couple whether married or dating that you can mentor.  God’s desire for Adam and Eve from the beginning was for them to work together.  When I watch Natasha share wisdom to other young couples, I fall in love with her all over again.  One of the easiest things to do in marriage is neglectfully not honor the anointing on your spouse’s life.  When Natasha and I sit down with less experienced couples to share what we have learned, we get so excited to communicate our successes and failures.  This type of relationship is more for others, but you will benefit from it too.
5. The Trinity (God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit) 
A 3 stranded cord is not easily broken!  When Christ is in the center of your marriage, then you can guarantee a lot of mess trying to get in, WILL NOT!  It takes intentionality to keep Christ in the center because its one of those, “Oh, I want to thank God” speeches that you know the person really doesn’t have a genuine relationship with Him.  This is the sole most important relationship that is needed in your marriage.  As the man of my house I have set it as a rule for us to end our night in some form of prayer.  We have one day a week that we spend an extended time with God TOGETHER, and every night a quick prayer for one another. I speak to the men on this one.  Please do not put the responsibility of keeping Christ in the center on your wife.  We are the priest of our home, and that means it is our responsibility to establish and cultivate the presence of God in our home.  This relationship will make all the difference.

Categories
Dating/Courting Home

Pursue Her! A Message to Christian Men

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage

Opposites Really Do Attract

In my life, I have worked my butt off…or have I? I’ll let you be the judge. Not really, but I’ll let you think you’re judging me. I’ve had 26 jobs since I turned 16 and just started my 27th. Many people would say I can’t hold down a job, I lack commitment, or in Jon Acuff’s words, I’m a serial quitter. I tend to think of myself rather, a learner. I learn something then move on. Though when I say move on, I mean actually MOVE. I have moved 7,092 miles since graduating college in May, 2010. I’ve lived on opposite coasts (West Coast, Best Coast!), the midwest, and the deep south (Better than both coasts). I’m actually a serial mover, not serial quitter.
 
I’ve never been one to sit still, I’m fidgety. I don’t have ADHD or ADD but some days I like to think of myself as a middle schooler trapped in an adult’s body. Besides, immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people. Can I get an amen? I have loved every move and would do it all again.
 
But as “fun” as I think I am, and as much as I have moved around, I married a still sitter. Although she has moved, it’s been well thought out. My moves? Not so much.
I married an attorney that is a thinker and a processor that decides something and sticks to it. I could never have found someone more opposite than me. Why marry her? Why marry someone like that? Why? One word, BALANCE. She gives me what I don’t have. What I lack in thought process, she makes up for, in detail. Balance, I did need it, I do need it, and I always will need it.
 
Some people told me in my single days, “Marry someone just like you! It’s more fun that way!” Well, if I married someone just like me, we would be broke, in a random city, wondering where to go next, or what to do next. In our case, opposites attract. But not just opposites attract, but opposites fulfill. That’s the big idea that I want you to see.
 
God doesn’t just want to give you someone that you’re attracted to, but someone that will fulfill what you don’t have. So can I say my wife completes me? Maybe. Are there still areas that she can’t fulfill? Of course. she’s human. Only God can fully fulfill me.
Whether you are dating, engaged, or married, look for those areas that you’re not gifted in and see if your mate compliments you. I hope they do. Don’t just leave it there; see how you can complete your spouse. If your mate isn’t good in a certain area, try it out! You might be their answer to what they need.

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Home

Im Engaged! Now What?

 
I could hardly believe that it was my turn to say “yes to the dress”! It all really didn’t hit me until I flew back home after the engagement, to California and began to think of all of the natural and spiritual things that needed to be done in order for our engagement season to be fruitful. Yes, you have to pick a date for the wedding, send out invitations, picking your bridal party etc. But you don’t want to miss out on the beautiful season in which you have just embarked on. One of the definition’s of Engagement is “an arrangement to do something or go somewhere at an appointed time” You all read know that you have an appointment and time to meet your soon to be husband. So during the duration of planning and patiently waiting, there are things that can be done, character that can be sharpened and understanding that can be found. Here are a few things that I focused on as well as learned while being engaged last year.
 
Pre-Marital Counseling
Even though Jamal and I were in two different states during our engagement we still made it a priority to include pre-marital counseling into our schedules. It was one of the best decisions that we made, it allowed us both to be focused on the true purpose of why were getting married in the midst of busyness that came with all of the wedding planning.  In the bible it clearly states in Proverbs 15:22 “Where there is no counsel, purposes are disappointed; But in the multitude of counselors they are established”
 
RELAX
While planning my wedding last year, I had moments where I was nervous, scared, anxious on how certain things would come along and If I really would have the wedding of my dreams. At times I allowed those feelings to overshadow what God  had already done or was doing in my very midst. Be thankful for what you have, don’t compare your proposal, ring, wedding venue or site to  your neighbor’s.  Express what you desire to see on your wedding day to God, your fiancé and those you are entrusting to help make your day special. Once you do that, RELAX and watch it all come together.  Philippians 4:6 “In nothing be anxious; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God”
 
The Future
You and your husband will need to be able to survive financially after the wedding! Don’t go into debt for your wedding. In the beginning this was extremely hard for me. My mindset was “I’m only getting married once” ha! Which is true, but you want to use wisdom. There are so many different and cost effective ways to have a beautiful wedding day. Whether you have the funds to go all out or not you want to use wisdom and invest in the things that you and your fiancé really desire to have on your wedding day. Remember that the end of the things is better than the beginning. So when you all are heading home after your honeymoon, you all wont miss a beat! Ecclesiastes 7: 8 “Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof; and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit”.

Categories
Engaged Home Marriage

Ms. Independent-Who Really Runs the World?

No matter your age or marital status, it is always important as a woman to actively strive to become a more Godly you, not only for your personal benefit, but also for the benefit of those around you and your ability to be used in God’s kingdom.  One challenge we face as women is correctly defining what it means to be a Godly and successful woman. In a culture that promotes, encourages, idolizes, and embodies the idea of a woman who needs none other than M-E, the pressure to do everything and need no one constantly bombards us.  The new idea of a strong woman is no longer defined by a woman who serves, submits, and puts others above her, but instead is a power-hungry, person-pusher who will do anything, say anything, and compromise her body, image, and reputation all in the name of making it to the top.  In the words of “Queen Bey”- “Who runs the world? GIRLS!”
But were we really created to run the world and is that a position/title we would truly feel fulfilled and happy bearing? One moment we are degrading the entire population of men begging them to stand up and take their place as husbands and fathers, and the next second we are shoving them out of our way and calling them oppressive womanizing pigs. Do we even know what we want? The fact of the matter is we have become extreme in our needs and wants and have forsaken the Godly balance of respectful submission. Were we created to lead? YES! But, were we created to run the world? NO. I am not suggesting that we all sit down quietly in a corner and do nothing, however I am also not saying that we should push our way to the top.
A woman is actually in the best position to lead, love, succeed and be truly happy when she is covered, protected, and supported by a Godly man or person. Submission is a freeing and beautiful thing when the person you are submitting to has your best interest in mind. (Now, for those of you who aren’t dating, courting, engaged, or married, you may be thinking what does this have to do with me? But, I am NOT just talking about a dating relationship. Submission is something that should also be practiced with your friends, your pastor(s), your leaders, your teachers, your authorities, and in all covenant relationships. And, if you do hope to one day be married, make sure you not only have the correct view on submission, but practice it!)
At the end of the day we wouldn’t be called to live in community if we didn’t actually NEED that community. Let go of the false pressure to be a prideful, hardened, people-abusing woman who needs no one and is capable of doing everything on her own. Actually achieving this would 1. be nearly impossible, and 2. be completely miserable. It’s okay to need help and it is good to submit to the protection, counsel, and covering of those around you. Don’t attempt to build up hard walls that keep everyone out while trying to prove to the world you don’t need anyone and are I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T.  You’ll actually find that your glass bubble is easily broken, extremely lonely, and super unfulfilling. Even if this terrible method does help you make it to the top, whom will you share your successes with? Free yourself to not only need and rely on other people, but to also submit to them.  It is ONLY through engaging in covenant relationships with the community of Christ that you will be able to become a Godly, successful, great and happy woman. Yes, you may get hurt along the way, but as always, anything with any value or worth usually involves a little pain and work.

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Dating/Courting Engaged Finances Home

The 3 Things I Wish I Would Have Learned Before Marriage

It was July 27th, 2013 at around 6:13 PM that I said, “I DO” to my beyond beautiful, supernaturally given gift, Natasha Ann Miller.  As my friends would say, I had crossed over into the #goodlife! Now being married 6 months I can freshly talk from the place of recognizing the things I wish I would have learned before I got married.  So, if I had the opportunity to talk to myself one year ago, this is what I would share.
 
1. Learn Not to Worry, but Trust God
If you only knew how much time I took worrying how God was going to bring my spouse into my life.  After graduating from college it was like okay God….IM READY, which I would repeat that phrase everyday in my prayer time.  Each minute I spent worrying how she was going to come, or when she was coming robbed me from enjoying the season God had me in.  If you are single waiting on God for your spouse, please do not waste time wondering HOW God is going to do it, but TRUST that He will do it.  Your marriage season will come in God’s timing.
2. Learn How to Budget
It is said that finances is one of the top causes of divorce today.  Many think once they get married money will eventually work itself out. WRONG!  When you are single its easy to get away with a budget less life, but once you are married it is one of the most necessary disciplines needed.  I encourage you to start a budget now, and do some study on personal finances.  Luke 14:28 states it so perfectly, “don’t begin to build until you have considered the cost.”   If you can learn this concept while single you will bypass many arguments during budget time and your spouse will thank you for it.
3.  Learn Yourself
Marriage is the process by which two become ONE!  Well, it’s a lot easier for those two to become one when you understand the parts of you that refuses to surrender.  When you know yourself well, and can acknowledge where you need Christ to make your weaknesses His strength.  It makes the merge of two individuals a piece of cake.  The first few years of marriage is most difficult for those that refuse to give up and surrender to God’s inventive method for Christ likeness.  Learning yourself is best done in the environment of healthy friendships, volunteering at your local church, and allowing the Word to reveal those hidden things in your heart fighting against selfless living.
The ultimate goal in marriage is to become one with your spouse and Christ that He might be glorified through your union.  There are so many things that I wish I would have known to do before I got married, but I can say those 3 things will help you greatly to prepare for your marriage.

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Marriage Physical Intimacy

Why Dating Your Spouse is Necessary

Date: verb (used without object), dat·ed, dat·ing… to go out socially
When you first meet someone that you are attracted to and want to get to know better, going out to the movies or dinner or the park seems like a no brainer. Then you get engaged and get married, and it’s just you two. You work on the week days and go out after work or on the weekends. You have fun and enjoy each other’s company. Then you have children and everything changes. Your world becomes consumed with meeting the needs of those who cannot do for themselves, often putting your own needs and the needs of your spouse on the back burner. Spending time together just the two of you, becomes more challenging. You now have to juggle the children’s schedule, babysitters, and work schedules. With this balancing act it can become easy to take your spouse for granted and soon fall into a routine of just being roommates.
It’s at this point of marriage when dating is so necessary. It is important to carve time out of your busy schedules just for each other. Spending time has to be intentional. If it is not made a priority for the both of you, it will not happen, and you will grow a part. Couples don’t grow apart on purpose. It takes time to drift in different directions, and is just a byproduct of business. Date your spouse prior to your actual date. Take time each day to just think about the other person. Keep them in the forefront of your mind. Send a text message or email just to say “I love you and I’m thinking about you”, that way when you do get to spend time with that person your thoughts will not drift to everything else that you could be doing. Train your mind to think of them and when you are together you are not just physically present, but emotionally present as well. Invest the time to keep your marriage balanced and healthy.

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Home

Sin·gle Wom·en

 
When I was first asked about writing for a young married blog I thought silently inside the deep spaces of my mind and wondered, “they do know I am single right?” It was a moment of  amusing humor I found to be the highlight of my day. Me? Write for a married blog? I laughed for a good 20 minutes and thought I could give tidbits on blocking the every other weekend pictures of engagements and wedding I Do’s on social media etc. So I to myself sure I can make this work. Then I received the first two topics we had to choose from:

  1. Single women
  2. Finances

My heart stopped. Seriously, why were we literally single women “singled out” as a topic of discussion? Why wasn’t it just singleness in general? Why did those two words: “single women” cut so deep into my heart and made me feel as if we had a special syndrome or crazy psychological anomaly. Did we not have single men out there hanging out at the same train stop as us? After barely looking at the email because of my inner angry feminist fumes, I heard the Holy Spirit softly whisper to me something profound, simple and beautifully piercing to my spirit.
He said, ”Angela single women is not a thing to be disgraced by or feel at arms to make war with, but single women have been chosen because they need to echo a new found heart for the moment, they are an answer in their position, they have a place of profound influence in their culture and their cries are buried in the Father’s heart to awaken a love for the ages, for people, the kingdom, the Father and the future mate God has delicately crafted for them.”
Single women are a lovely, wonderful cry on the Father’s heart. While we long for a mate and a future spouse, God desires for us to balance our life in these areas: *LEARNING<LOVING<PURSUING*
LEARNING< We have to learn who we are in His kingdom. We have to ask God to show us who He desires for us to become in this molding, breaking and refining season.
LOVING< He wants us to love HIM deeper, love others more then we know how and to love who He has designed US to be. He is the master craftsman who uniquely equipped each of us with strengths the world needs. We have to open our eyes and ears to seeing and hearing where those gifts are needed. We need to be like our beautiful ancestors Ruth, Esther, Deborah and Mary. Women who decided who they were, would not be determined by their gender or role in society . That being a woman was not weakness, but an insurgence of power and engaging strength. But only after taking heart to understanding who God had designed them to be as women.
PURSUE<We have to be willing to accept this moment as being a single woman as a pinpoint on the trail. It is a stopping point on the journey to our finish line. We pursue the word deeper, dreaming bigger and falling more in love with Christ. We pursue HIM to truly embrace who He wants us to be before we can ever move on to the future holdings and treasures he has waiting on us.
Single women it may seem trivial to be on this boat, but when you find yourself on the tides of waiting and longing know He is the steadfast, anchor of HOPE. Your time is truly now to change the world. Do not wait for a proposal, a perfect person or plans. It’s the now season single women to be all of who you are and arise up for your light has come. Your season of influence and radiance is ready. The world awaits. God echo’s the cries of your heart and longs to know you more, to walk with you holding your hand until the next season. Whether it be dating, marriage or continuing in your single journey, through it all the one thing remains is Jesus is our constant. He is the constant companion, friend, redeemer, lover and Savior. I will leave you with this:
Ephesians 1:9-11 (NLT)
“God’s secret plan has now been revealed to us; it is a plan centered on Christ, designed long ago according to his good pleasure. 10 And this is his plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ — everything in heaven and on earth. 11 Furthermore, because of Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us from the beginning, and all things happen just as he decided long ago.”