3 Ways to Communicate With Your Spouse Even When Angry

You would think being married to your best friend, your better half, and the love of your life would mean effective communication would come easily. WRONG.
Learning to communicate with your spouse effectively and successfully  can be quite challenging especially during times of distress and conflict.
After reading books, listening to podcasts, and putting different things into practice, I’ve found a few ways to help make communicating with your spouse more effective and more pleasurable during times of conflict.
 
1. Take a breather:
If you feel yourself heating up and becoming angry, take some time to calm down and pray. Ask God to give you the right words to say and the right way to say them. Ask Him to remove all hostility and to remind you that you are on the same team as your spouse.
9 times out of 10, you will say something you don’t mean out of anger, and the situation will become worse. When we are angry, we are most likely already defensive and won’t take what our spouse is saying into consideration.
Everything our spouse says will add fuel to our fire and the conversation will go nowhere. Taking some time away from the conversation, disagreement, or argument will be very beneficial.
2. Instead of saying “You said…” say “What I heard you say was…”
My husband and I were listening to the “One Extraordinary Marriage” podcast when we came across this tool. Saying “you said” typically makes your spouse feel attacked, and he/she will either become defensive or will shut down especially if you are accusing them of saying something they never said because you were too upset to hear them correctly.
Saying “what I heard you say was” gives your spouse the chance to clarify what they said and/or the intent behind what they said. This will keep communication open and keep anyone from feeling attacked.
3. Dance:
I know you are probably thinking, “How can dancing help open the lines of communication between my spouse and I?”
My husband and I will slow dance to no music when we are upset with each other and one of us or both of us have shut down. To be honest with you, sometimes I don’t feel like dancing when he grabs my hand because I am mad and not in the mood to “make-up,” but during the dance the tension eases and we begin to talk out our issue openly and respectfully in a cool, calm tone.
I have found it draws us closer and increases our intimacy with one another. So when in doubt, just dance.
If you’re struggling with bitterness towards your spouse, check out this article to help encourage you.

Healthy communication is major for all marriages that desire to thrive.  What are some strategies you and your spouse have learned to communicate more efficiently?  Comment below to share with others.