The Prideful Marriage: How To Know If You Are In One

 
Have you noticed the underlying theme in marriage vows?  Although a lot of people write their own marriage vows today, the traditional one says, “I take thee, (spouse), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part…”
 
I see a theme of humility in these vows–a mutual humility.  Humility in marriage is unfortunately a rarity today . But, I think the best and strongest marriages have a foundation of mutual humility–an attitude that thinks more highly of the other person than of oneself, an attitude that is willing to listen, defer, please and respect the other.
 
I wrote a blog post several weeks ago and one of the reactions I suspected I might see was Pride. There were several people who commented there was no way they thought a man should ever train their wife, even though I shared in the comments the power of how my wife trains me. I had other people immediately message me privately and tell me that training is the wrong word and that I should have used another word.
 
I challenged that assertion because I don’t want such a great word as training to be hijacked.  Training is simply instructing and assisting someone who wants to become better at something.  Several people shared with me that they realized the reason they didn’t like the word train was because they were prideful. A couple individuals even said that after thinking about it more, they went to their spouses, and even  told their spouses, that they are open to be trained by their spouse.
 
That is beautiful.  Do you see the power in that statement “They are open.”
 
The greatest employees I’ve worked with were also the most humble people I worked with.  Two people come to mind first, and they are both unbelievably successful now, which I could foresee over a decade ago.  They exuded humility because they would often come into my meetings and say words like this, “What do I need to improve on?”  “Is there anything you think I should change or focus more on?”  “Give me the truth, how was that last session I led, etc?” They showed that they were humble, wanted to grow, and were willing to be trained. They were open to input from others. Do you have that same spirit in your marriage?
 
Men, if you were to ask your wife to rate you on a scale of 1-10 on your pride vs. teachability in marriage, what would she give you?  Find a time this week to ask her.
 
 
Here are 2 ways to know if you are bringing pride into your Marriage:
 
1. Have you ever said comments like this:
I’m not going to spend my whole life being corrected.
I’m an independent person.
I don’t need anyone to teach me anything.
I’ve already heard this before.
Don’t tell me how to live my life.
You’re always correcting me. Focus on yourself instead of me.
Yes, I am playing video games, but you go shopping all the time.
 
These comments show a closed heart of pride, an unwillingness to consider someone else’s input, and an underlying suspicion that anyone who offers advice or assistance is doing so because of ill-intent. Instead determine to have these words on your lips:
 
Thank you for loving me enough to share that with me.
What wisdom do you see that I’m lacking in this area?
I failed you again, but I’m committed to learning, growing, and changing.
Please help me by sharing what you feel I need to change.
Thank you.
What do you think should I do?
 
2. You are agitated, irritable, and often defensive with your spouse
Guys, it is awesome that your wife is different than you!  It is good that she thinks differently and has unique gifts and differing strengths than you.  Value those differences instead letting frustration or pride grow because of them.  For example, instead of wishing she was more organized, be grateful that she is a gifted leader. Instead of wishing she didn’t bring up your spending habits, be grateful that she cares enough about the family finances to want to help you with it.  Instead of hoping she doesn’t ask about your lack of interaction with the kids, be grateful God has given you someone to challenge you to be a greater dad than you were yesterday.
Repent of being irritable and defensive to your spouse and start to focus on the strengths she has that you don’t.  Pride will slowly start to melt in your life if you do this.
 
 
If at some point during the reading of this post, you  may have become angry at the words written. If so, that is a good indicator that pride is alive in your life. If it is in your life, then it probably it is in your marriage.
Question: What day this week are you going to ask your spouse about the Pride in your marriage?