Husbands & Wives should always be building each other up and adding to one another’s lives; well, that should be the goal anyway. Unfortunately, sometimes we do the exact opposite and end up ruining our spouse’s day. Husbands, here are 6 ways to ruin your wife’s day and some solutions to try to avoid doing so:
1. Don’t Show Leadership In The Home
I agree with John Maxwell’s wisdom that Leadership is Influence. If you want to ruin your wife’s day this is a big one. Does she see you sitting in front of the TV more than she does playing, instructing, and caring for the children? Women become extremely frustrated when they feel their man has no vision for the family. She probably has all kinds of dreams, plans, and memories she wants to create alongside you. Tell your wife that you want to talk about influencing the family more. Then, set up a time to share how you both feel about your leadership in the family and what needs to change so that your wife can feel you have as much passion for the growth of the family as she does.
2. Big Impact At Work and Small Impact At Home
Imagine coming home from work and you telling your wife that you have put together a plan to grow the business by 10% over the next year. Imagine telling your wife that your boss recently applauded the new project you completed and he said he would tell his higher-ups about it too. If you want to ruin your wife’s day, do great at work, focus on work, spend your all your energy on work, and yet continually struggle in the home. Some wives may simply be thankful their husband has a job and a paycheck, but that’s not what the “Trailer Club” is all about. We are about winning in all aspects of life. Just as you probably wouldn’t imagine leading your business without having a well thought out strategic plan, it is the same with your family. Start making time–a weekly meeting perhaps—to talk with your wife about family priorities and plan goals. Here are some ideas to consider as you plan to make a Big Impact At Home:
- Family Outings for the next 6 months
- Dinner Time Experiences that grow family closer
- Date Nights put in calendar
- Prayer times as a family
- Budget/Money items that need to be saved for
- Adventure Times As A Family
- Teaching kids business, tithing, work ethic, etc
3. Don’t Help Her out—be Selfish Instead of Generous
Are men selfish? Yes. Are women selfish? Yes. Do women generally feel like they give more in a relationship than men? Maybe. If you want to ruin your wife’s day, do only what you feel is adequate. I grew up in a household that after we ate dinner, my dad and I went into the living room to watch TV while my mom and two sisters cleaned the table and washed the dishes. I remember visiting my wife’s house while we were engaged and seeing her dad help clear the table and wash dishes too. I witnessed sincere generosity and helpfulness in action and decided I wanted to be that kind of man in my family. If you are generous in your service, compliments, encouragement, and other ways, your wife’s days will be blessed, not ruined.
4. Communicating Poorly To Her
You know that one of the most common frustrations employees have in the workplace is lack of communication from their managers, colleagues, etc. In a similar way, if you want to ruin your wife’s day then keep on communicating in ways that frustrate her. Because differing personalities often take different tones and approach situations differently, you will need to learn her language and be a good listener. Ask questions about her day, actively engage in the conversation with her, and don’t make a habit of allowing your phone to interrupt your conversations. Turn off the phone and turn your whole body towards her. Give her your full attention. It would be a good idea to ask her how she feels about your communication and be receptive to her specific observations.
5. Wait Until 9PM to be Romantic—in Other Words, Forget Everything you did to Pursue Her Heart While you were Dating
The day is coming to a close. You may have been out with a friend and walked back in the house at 9pm. Or, maybe it’s Sunday night and the big football game just ended around 10pm. You will ruin your wife’s day if you only spend focused time romancing her right before you hope to be intimate with her. There’s a thousand other ways to express how enraptured you are with her. Don’t forget about the ways you romanced her when your relationship was young. Learn her unique love language and speak it often—not only right before ‘bed.’ Here are some ideas in case you need reminding:
- Greeting her with a hug or passionate kiss when you see each other after work.
- Continue to take her on dates. Take her out on the town and to her favorite spots.
- Play board games with her, or share a book together, or snuggle on the couch for a movie.
- Ask her what she needs prayer for and pray together on a regular basis.
- Encourage her and praise her. Notice and appreciate her work and what she accomplishes with her time.
- Help her with any responsibilities she has—relieve her stress by sharing the load with her.
- And don’t forget the little things, men—like manners. Act like a gentleman not a Jr. High fart-machine. Take care of yourself and what’s yours—don’t live like a college-boy slob. Treat her like the priceless lady she is—go out of your way to show honor by opening doors for her, etc.
There are a number of ways to pursue her besides leading her to bed. Let creative romance continue forever.
6. Try to Fix her All the Time
Empathy is a something your wife needs you to master, or at least make an effort to grow in. If you want to ruin your wife’s day, then try to fix everything she talks about, or give her a solution to every concern she brings up, or try to talk her out of all the emotions she feels. Your wife wants to share with you and have you empathize with her. She want you to try to understand the challenges she has. If your wife is more emotional about things than you are, she wants you to understand why. If your wife is highly passionate about growing her business, she wants you to understand why. If your wife is on the edge when it comes to discussing the life of your kids, she wants you to understand why. The key is to not discount your wife’s weaknesses, challenges, and concerns by quickly spouting out what she should have done or could do differently next time. Don’t give her the impression that you are there to be her ‘life coach,’ Mr. Fix It. You’ll make her day if you are a friend that accepts her where she’s at and actively listens, cares, and responds.
Question: Do you struggle with one of these more than the others?